There's quite a debate going on in the DigitalSpy forums about the suitability of former Happy Mondays manc dancer Bez to stay in the Big Brother house whle suffering quite obvious signs of Cannabis withdrawal.

A lot of people are suggesting that he be arrested. Despite the fact that he hasn't actually DONE anythign illegal in the house. Despite the fact that maybe he went into the house kniowing it was a sealed environment and a very public way of going through cold turkey.

Undoubtedly, he has a habit. Undoubtedly, the withdrawal has hit him hard. But if these people want to see him off the drug, then by god, let him win. Keep him in the house until the very last second and keep him in the public eye for a week or two afterwards. The longer he stays in the house, the longer he stays off the weed and the better his chances of kicking his habit.

They want him kicked out now. Well, isn't that exactly what he wants? Isn't that the worst thing you could do for a recovering junkie?

At the end of the day, I very much doubt that past Big Brother contestants have been squeaky clean and drug free (with the notable, glaring exception of Cameron), and I doubt that everyone who's lambasting Bez is completely innocent either. He hasn't made any secret of his habit - his last words before entering the house were that he'd miss his weed the most. We knew this would happen, unless as I suspected, he was allowed to take a bit of stuff in with him as the luxury item he was cagey about when he walked in. It's quite a shame I was wrong. Would have loved to see them all getting stoned, with Endemol trying to cover it up.

So let he that is without vice cast the first stone. And if you've ever got wasted on a few too many bevvies, or dropped a couple of tabs on a friday night, or toked a bit of the wacky baccy at college, well, just leave the Bezmeister alone, alright? Addiction metes out it's own punishment. Rest assured, he'll get his due in time.

(More on my opinions on drugs later)

Is it really so wrong of me to expect my favourite blog authors to stay up till the wee small hours so I have something interesting to read?

C'mon people, never heard of pro-plus?

After my little speech about the comics I used to read, I started thinking about some other things that had inspired me through the years.

Here's one of them: The view from Harlech, looking towards Snowdonia and the majesty of the mountains.




OK, there's more spectacular sights in the world, but to me, growing up going on holiday there every year for a decade or more, waking up, opening the caravan curtain and seeing that view...well, inspiring just isn't the word.

To this day, I'm totally in love with Snowdonia, but I haven't been there for over ten years. As soon as I've passed my test, I'm going there: packed lunch in Bala, trip through the mountains, hairpin bends, whispering waterfalls and all, round the coast from Ffestiniog, Harlech, Dyffryn, Barmouth, then back home through the mountains.

Wonderful.

Just a mention of this big non-story:





I don't know what the fuss is about. He's just carrying on a long line of British Royal louts and layabouts, from the wonderfully outrageous George 3rd to the larger than life and hugely popular George 7th.

I can't help laughing when I hear about the latest exploits of Charles' offspring. It's about time we had an anarchic monarchy again. I know I'm gonna be happy growing old under King William 4th, anyway.

Blair vs Brown:

While Gordon Brown's safely tucked away in the heart of Africa, pledging £1billion in debt relief for the third world (nice one Gordon!), Tony's been taking (cautious) advantage.

In a speech in Kent yesterday, he praised his competitor, calling him the "most successful post-war chancellor" but then went on to insist that Labour's third term would be "Unremittingly New Labour" which will enrage Gordon and his supporters, as the chancellor is truly of the old guard.

And why is Gordon in Africa? Well, it looks hopeful: he's visiting AIDS-ravaged areas of Tanzania, Mozambique and South Africa and attending a conference where he hopes to help beat out an agreement on a multilateral plan to write off the IMF and World Bank debts of some of the poorest countries in the world.

However, the pill has already been bittered by everyone's favourite thorn in the side, Claire Short. She says, rightly, that merely eradicating the debt won't solve much. What needs to happen is stability and an end to corruption and conflict in the affected countries. And that can't be done by holding conferences.

Here's an article about his visit.

Look at these people:


She wouldn't (or couldn't - reports are contradictory on that point) have kids, so a few years ago they decided to try and adopt. At the end of 2002, they started a 13 week trial placement of three little kids, rescued from neglectful parents - Christian, aged 3, Nathan aged 2 and Chloe, just five months old. They'd thrived in Foster Care and Social Services insisted that they be placed together as they were incredibly close - as young, traumatised children would be.

The couple took care classes from a local nursery and were shown videos on the effect of neglect on children by Social Services. She couldn't be bothered and eventually, neither could he. They knew all of this, they'd read it all in books after all. They were graduates for god's sake, what could they learn from nannies and Social Workers?

These two wanted a perfect, ready made family and the children just didn't fit the bill.

The wife couldn't cope, so went back to work. The husband claimed he couldn't bond with them, phoning their Social Worker and insisting that their three year old prospective foster son was "brainless", "a vegetable" and "a zombie".

A few days later, he was dead.

He didn't bond with his prospective father. And is it any wonder, when he's being described like that to a Social Worker? Children with problems like Christian need unconditional love, vast patience, deep understanding and care. This was obviously something beyond the university educated engineer's understanding. Not everyone can be a parent. It's a tough life when your kids are your own, and well adjusted, and taking on someone elses emotionally damaged children is a challenge I as a father of two manic powerhouses would balk at.

Ian and Angela Gay, however were sure they knew better. They were convinced that the children they adopted owuld be pleasant, well adjusted, pictures of perfection and on the off-chance that they might not fit the required profile, well they'd just have to be punished.

Punished by being force fed spoonful after spoonful of salt. Punished by being shaken and slapped around the head. Punished so severely that it produced a brain haemorrhage. In a three year old child.

Little Christian was sent to his sister's cot for misbehaving. Ian later found him comatose and the couple rushed him to hospital. He was placed on life support. Angela went back to work.

Four days later they switched off his life support.

Yesterday, Ian and Angela Gay were convicted of manslaughter and sent to prison for five years. Five years for torturing a defenceless toddler to death.

This is a picture of him:


And here's a couple of links to the story in the press:

A report on the outcome of the trial
and details of the help the couple were given

My opinion? They're selfish, evil bastards who should be banned from contact with children for life. Lock 'em up and throw away the key.

Am I being harsh? Take note of what Angela's father says after the trial:
"We're totally shocked. They know they have done nothing wrong. It's an injustice."

I used to read a sci-fi comic called 2000ad. Brilliant comic. I've still got hundreds of issues of it lounging in my parent's loft.

Also up there is an almost full collection of a spinoff comic they produced in the early 90's called "Crisis". It didn't last long and was really a mouthpiece for the editor and writers to sound off about the state of the world we live in. The main strip in the comic was one called "Third World War" which was set at the turn of the millenium.

The premise was that Multinational Corporations co-opted workers from Britain and sent them to work in South America and so forth. This gave the writers an opportunity to show the corporate horror machine in all it's glory. The interesting bit though were the notes and references peppered throughout the story, references to essays, economic reports, articles, books, Chumbawamba and Dead Kennedys lyrics which backed up the stories they were writing.

Following those notes clued me in about all the things I care about in the world. What I learned from reading "Crisis" has kept me watching the Business News for twelve years, led me to predict the current downslide of the American economy post-9/11, pre-warned me to look into the economic backstory of the tragedies we hear about. Because let's make no mistake - the enemy isn't some shady figure with diabetes hiding in a cave in Afghanistan, the real enemy is on our feet and issuing our Credit Cards and providing us with Big Mac, Coke and Fries to go.

One soundbite from the comic has always stuck with me though. It refers to the almost constant state of civil war in Africa and the battle between Multinationals and the populations of Africa and South America. It refers to what our Governments and Big Business do in our name in those countries and how the populations of thoes countries really feel about what's happening to them.
And even though it wasn't relevant at the time, it refers just as much to the actions of our glorious Western Alliance and the Islamic Fundamentalists they're supposed to be looking for.

The quote is this:

"If you want to avoid wargasm, stop fucking the third world"

Did you buy the "Band Aid 20" single? Did you watch the Vicar of Dibley on New Years Day? Then you might know about the "Make Poverty History" campaign.

If you don't, well, you can click on the white band over there <--- or you can click on the link up there ^

But please do one or the other.

Third world debt is a subject I've followed for almost half my life. Poor countries are being made poorer - far poorer - because of repayments our Governments demand from them. We don't need the money, we mostly don't get the money and when we originally gave the money, it went into the pockets of corrupt, even warmongering politicians.

What we've needed to see for years now is the abolishment of third world debt. We're making the poorest countries in the world far poorer by demanding they repay the money they were lent decades ago.

And because of that debt, thousands of people die every day for no other reason that they just don't have enough. Of anything.

I remember Michael Burke's news report from Ethiopia in 1984. I remember how it affected me. I can bring to mind everything I've read since about how the situation in Ethiopia and other places in Africa came about and it devastates me. I feel shame that I can't do more, but I also need to put food in my children's mouths and because of this, I can do very little.

Something I can do is spread the word about campaigns and organisations that CAN make a difference, or that have more of a chance of being heard.

I've talked before about how America has a duty of care to the rest of the world as it's the most powerful country. Well, it's not just America. We all have a duty of care to those who are worse off, and that duty becomes more important as the people become less well off.

I've been down. By god, I've been low. We've had days where everything looked lost, where our home, our lives looked to be at risk, but we pulled through. We coped and we came out the other side of the crisis. Thousands of people every day don't pull through.

Every day, thousands of men, women, children, babies have nothing left to do but lie down in the dust and die because their Governments and our Governments value money and power over basic human compassion.

So what I'm going to do now is steel myself, take my burden of shame and grief that I live in a country that contributes to the deaths of tens of thousands of people on a daily basis and I'm going to walk out among people who would rant at me and hurl abuse at me because I'm not patriotic, because I don't feel proud to live here.

I'm going to let my knowledge guide me through my life and focus me into doing my best to get into a position where I can make a difference. One day, and it might take another thirty years, I'll get there.

Until then, I'll watch and weep with everyone else.

People of a certain age (mine, for example) will remember getting lightsabres for christmas or birthdays. They were the must-have toy of the 70's.

Well now we're all grown up, with kids of our own who want lightsabres for christmas, but there's nothing stopping us 30-somethings revisiting those epic battles of the past. Cop this lot:





All available from here (with a range of blade colours, naturally) for around $240.

(Thanks to fellow usenetter, The Merry Piper for the link)

A few things they never tell you about kids, or you can't grasp the truth of until it happens:

• Exactly how badly their poo smells
• Everything you don't want grabbed and slobbered on must go three feet above the floor by the time they learn to crawl
• The amount of clothes they actually get through
• How far a child can vomit, and how much
  
• How many times one child can ask "why?"
• The importance of them getting their own room REALLY early on.
• A baby's capacity for rolling off a given surface, no matter how wide it is
• The Houdini-shaming speed they can release themselves from buggy straps by the age of two
• How much more effective cuddles are than Calpol
• The importance of teething remedies that can be used for under 6-month-olds
• How easy it is to catch yourself enjoying playing baby games
• How hard it is to stop talking in that high pitched pidgin babytalk, even though they're bloody five and looking down their nose at you

There's more but I'm tired.

You bet your ass it's late!

I just watched the first two episodes of 24 season four and while it's looking a bit like a rehash of season three, it's looking pretty good, actually very good.

And it's got William Devane in it, whom I've followed and enjoyed ever since...christ this is embarrassing...he was in Knots Landing (my parents made me watch it, ok??) and I actually rate him quite highly as an actor.

There's a few people I rate that way actually, Roy Schieder for one, Sam Neill for another.

It seems like anything I've watched them in, no matter how mundane or downright bad, their performances have been enjoyable and consumate. Good, overlooked actors. It's good to see him again.

Now, I'm off to get some shuteye before dawn, and yet another school run.

Ironically, considering the events in the Indian Ocean, this year has been dubbed the "Year of the sea".

So here's a reminder that the Sea not only deals out death and destruction, but gives us life, sustenance and beauty:


(all images ©SeaBritain2005)

As you might notice, I'm a bit of a sucker for controversial films. What I haven't talked abut is that I'm a bit of a sucker for history documentaries too.

Over the last few years, mostly due to the BBC's habit of playing it almost constantly, I've watched a documentary series on Alexander the Great about five times. Believe me, it could have been a bloody sight more times.

Now I'm not claiming this docco was particularly good or bad, or indifferent, but it was interesting and informative about a classical figure I previously knew nothing about.

So imagine how my interest was piqued by reports that Oliver Stone was making a biopic. Imagine how that interest was magnified just lately by reports that it had bombed in the States because of the homosexual subtext.

So I did some digging. Not much, it has to be said. What follows is a taste, a miniscule taste, of the reviews I found on the Yahoo Movies site:

"Lunacraz" says:

And apparently, Alexander was really gay. Increibly gay. Im not saying this because I want to, but 1/3 of the movie is, honestly, pointing out how gay Alexander was. Maybe they're trying to show Platonism in process. But, to me, and to everyone else in the audience, the movie went out of its way to make Alexander really gay.

Dont see this movie... unless you want comedy.

Strike one for "Don't see this movie because it makes Alexander look gay"

"erving06us" says:

Instead of giving us exciting, grand battle sequences, he gives us wobbly camera angles and loads of dust, which simply disorient the viewer. Instead of showing us Alexander's interaction with the citizens in the lands he conquered, he gives us arguments between the soldiers and bizarre hallucinations involving Alexander's mother (Angelina Jolie) and father (Val Kilmer). I hoped the film would show us how Alexander's influence over the lands he conquered changed them for better or worse. Unfortunately, this film just breezes from one conquered civilization to the next with hardly any insight into those lands at all. Strangely, with such quick transitions from land to land, you would think there would be plenty of battle sequences. No such luck. There are only two battle sequences in the whole film and they last for a very short time. I was actually relieved when each battle ended because in an attempt to make the viewer feel as though they are right in the middle of things with close-up camera work, it simply made my head spin. I could not follow much of what was happening and could never really tell who was winning the fights.

Alexander didn't have a whole lot of interacting with the people he met. His troops did. Groups of them stayed behind in the countries he conquered and their descendants still live in those areas today, 2,500 years later. The transitions from land to land are wholly realistic. One thing that stood out from the documentary is how Alexander swept through Asia and India at a startling pace,

"silvanelf1982" says:

Perhaps the most interesting issues in the film lay with Alexander's personality. I won't go into detail, but if you see the film, expect some surprises that you might not expect to see on the big screen.

Herein lies the problem: While there's rife speculation and slash fiction galore about the ambiguous sexuality of hollywood superheroes, this never translates to the big screen. I've seen reports where an actors have turned down roles based on how their sexuality would be percieved as a result. The poor oversensetive Americans aren't expecting to see this aspect of Alexander's story, so when it turns up, it's magnified in the minds of the watchers until it becomes a vast controversy.

"john_amanda@sbcglobal.net" says:

It felt like I had accidently rented a video about the sexual ambiguities of Alexander the Great. I kind of wandered if this movie doesn't almost have a hidden agenda intended for it's viewers. Well that's my opinion of the first half of the movie since I couldn't stomach the next 1 1/2 hours.

"jcwestin" says:

So, let's boil it down to the "pink elephant in the room" no one wants to admit is there: The real issue that's driving most reviews is the depiction of Alexander as bisexual. The unconscious hysteria this idea is generating has created an outpouring of aggression...

Alexander is just a movie, but at least it's one that hits a cord, and in today's comfortably-numb cultural climate that's worth something.

"bwdycus" says:

Take away the Homo-erotic aspects of this film that made it very akward to watch, the film stinks...

I got this feeling that Oliver Stone was making fun of me. "Hey lets put out a huge piece of crap film with a whole lot of things that would make most of America cringe, put out previews of a historical epic with major stars, and see what idiots pay for the movie."

The New York Post says:

Embracing Alexander's bisexuality - though not to the point of actual guy-on-guy action - is the only subversive element in this otherwise surprisingly old-fashioned and plodding epic by the once-maverick Stone.

Stone and Farrell end up going too far - their light-in-the-sandals Alexander is often such a simpering, indecisive wuss that it's hard to accept he conquered most of the known world before his mysterious death at the age of 33 in 323 B.C.

The frequently risible script by Stone, Christopher Kyle and Laeta Kalogridis suggests Alexander conquered the world primarily to get away from his Mommie Dearest.

"What have I done to make you hate me so?" Olympia asks a teenage Alexander (Farrell looking even more ridiculous with Jolie, who is only one year older than him) in the film's funniest speech - delivered in a Bela Lugosi accent.

Meanwhile, Alexander's drunk and uncouth father, the one-eyed warrior King Philip (a bellowing Val Kilmer), who despises Olympias even more than his wife hates him, warns poor Alexander that "women are more dangerous than men."

With role models like these (and Christopher Plummer's doddering, Greeks-first Aristotle), it's no wonder that when Alexander marries an erotic dancer (Rosario Dawson) to produce an heir, he tries to rape her on their wedding night.

She replies with a knife to his throat, and soon he's merrily sharing a tent with Hephaistion and a topless castrato.

The Chicago Tribune says:

Stone's "Alexander" is an incredibly lurid movie, an epic that portrays Alexander and his contemporaries (not without justification) as a gallery of heroes, monsters, gods and goddesses, often with feet of steaming clay. And it paints Alexander himself as a prodigy of battle and visionary of world order, undone by his own unstoppable quest, by the hellish fury of his mother Olympias (Angelina Jolie, looking vampirish and insatiable) and the seething corruption of his times.

...he presents Alexander with greater sympathy than he lavishes on most political leaders: as an idealistic world-unifier who tried to meld his vast conquered empire together with cultural tolerance and enlightened policies but failed because of over-reaching.

Stone gives us an embarrassment of riches all the same, aided by a crack team that includes Peter Greenaway's designer Jan Roelfs and cinematographer Rodrigo Prieto ("Amores Perros"). He demonstrates certain gifts, for richly detailed yet imaginative ancient history, we might not have guessed from this son of the '60s. Aided by historical adviser Robin Lane Fox (whose popular 1973 biography is worth a reading before or after you see the film), this movie is an impressive feat of reconstruction. Even if it often looks like the maddest of fantasies - especially when it swoops us into bacchanalian revels in the Hanging Gardens of Babylon or cues a last staggering Indian elephant charge - the vision grabs us.

I think Stone wins his bet with history, but not without cost. Many will find the movie overwrought, oversexual or even ludicrous.

Alexander's bisexuality won't sit well with moral hard-liners. Devotees of the old Hollywood historical vision of a Cecil B. DeMille will certainly take violent offense.

So I'm fascinated. And I'm going to have to watch it. And I might even try and catch the "In the footsteps of Alexander The Great" docco on UKTV History one more time, just for the hell of it. Then, maybe a review. Watch this space.

I haven't said much about the Tsunami. Now it's time to let the pictures do the talking.

Tolkien's inspiration to be renamed
"The Shire Country Park"

Here's some quick statistics about the visitors that come here:

Visitors mostly come from search engines and other Blogs, presumably through the "Next Blog" button.

86% of visitors stay for less than five seconds. Of the ones that stay longer, they mostly stay about 20 minutes or more. Which is nice.

Surprisingly, less than three quarters of you are using Internet Explorer, with 26% of you using other browsers - mostly Firefox. Lucky I fixed that display bug a couple of months ago. Most of you are using Windows XP with the display settings on 1024x768 or 800x600 screen resolution. I use 1152x864, and aim for the site to be comfortable on 1024x768.

67% of you come from the UK or North America, with the remaining 43% coming from all over the place - Europe and the far east in the most part.

Most of you who come here from a search engine have searched for "Hedgewitch", which isn't surprising as I'm in the top results on Yahoo, Google and MSN.

And last week, the counter tipped the 2,000 hits stage.

All in all, a quiet year. I wish I could think of more to chatter on about, or I could come up with the wonderful paranoid rants and expositions that other bloggers come up with, but I haven't got the emotional energy or the time or the outrage one needs to compose one.

So thanks to everyone who visited, everyone who pops in and shoves straight off and mostly to my regular visitors.

Rest assured, I'll be carrying on doing just what i've been doing, trying to post something halfway interesting every day. And you guys can carry on doing just what you've been doing. If you're reading this through a RSS feed reader, leave a comment and let me know, huh?

I will say one thing though

To all those 85% who stay for less than five seconds

! ! ! S T A Y H E R E ! ! !

Wow! I never knew this! Winamp is dead!

The last members of the original Winamp team have said goodbye to AOL and the door has all but shut on the Nullsoft era, BetaNews has learned.

Only a few employees remain to prop up the once-ubiquitous digital audio player with minor updates, but no further improvements to Winamp are expected.

Winamp's abandonment comes as no surprise to those close to the company who say the software has been on life support since the resignation of Nullsoft founder and Winamp creator Justin Frankel last January.

The marriage of Nullsoft and AOL was always one of discontent. After AOL acquired the small company in 1999 for around $100 million, the young team of Winamp developers was assimilated into a strict corporate culture that begged for rebellion. Although Nullsoft was initially given a long leash by AOL, It wasn't long until the two ideologies collided.

Frankel and his team were accustomed to simply brainstorming ideas over coffee and bringing them to the masses without approval. So when Frankel and fellow Nullsoft developer Tom Pepper devised a decentralized peer-to-peer file sharing system, dubbed Gnutella, parent AOL was left in the dark.

Gnutella was unveiled in March 2000, much to the chagrin of an unprepared AOL; executives feared the program would encourage copyright infringement and damage the company's pending merger with Time Warner. AOL quickly clamped down on Gnutella, but not before the software's source code leaked. Gnutella-based alternatives soon followed, igniting a peer-to-peer land grab that has yet to subside.

But AOL knew it had to protect its investment and turn a profit from the freely available Winamp. Frankel and crew found themselves in hot water numerous times, but always escaped with little more than a proverbial slap on the wrist.

However, growing displeasure reached a boiling point with Nullsoft’s unsanctioned release of WASTE -- an encrypted file-sharing network -- in June 2003. Frankel threatened to resign after AOL removed WASTE, but remained with the company long enough to finish Winamp 5.0.

Frankel's departure followed AOL layoffs and the closure of Nullsoft's San Francisco offices in December 2003.

With AOL struggling to stave off declining subscriber numbers and 700 additional layoffs planned for next month, the company’s focus has shifted away from supporting acquisitions such as Winamp.

Despite the somber farewell, Nullsoft's former masterminds are proud of their accomplishments. Winamp helped start a digital audio revolution and boasts an incredible 60 million users per month.

After a disappointing Winamp3, Nullsoft developers returned to the drawing board and completed long-standing goals with the release of Winamp 5.0 in late 2003.

Nullsoft's Shoutcast, which pioneered audio streaming over the Internet, is called "the Net's best secret" by its creator Tom Pepper and has reached 170,000 simultaneous users accounting for 70 million hours of listening each month.

For its part, AOL says it remains committed to Winamp, stating it is "a thriving product that AOL continues to support and will continue to support."

But without those who poured their heart and soul into building the software, Winamp seems destined to meet a fate similar to fellow audio player Sonique, after Lycos saw the departure of its development team. Sonique has stagnated for years, and development ceased altogether last March.

I've used Winamp for years and loved it every minute of that time. It's one of the first couple of things I put on when I reinstall windows. I'm gutted!

AOL has plenty of blood on its hands, doesn't it? Time-Warner, Netscape and now Nullsoft. And people still use them. Shame on you!

I know a lot of my longer posts have weak endings. This is for two (or three reasons):

1) I never know how to wrap things up and even in real life end up just trailing off, like....well, y'know...yeah, anyway...

2) It usually means I started it before the kids were around and now they're sitting on my lap, so after a half hour gap, I need to wrap it up as quickly as possible before someone sits on the mouse and clicks the "close window" button.

One to watch on Ebay: Woman needed for unwanted Husband

Thanks to Seany for this link to the simple wonders of Anagrams!

Here's a few choice ones I've discovered so far:

My Name becomes

"Stolen unit."
"Lout in nest."
"Nut lies not."
"Intent soul."
"Tone in lust."
"Tone in slut."
"Tune in lots."
"Net until so."
"Not. Utensil."
"Nun toilets."
"Tent in soul."
"Stout linen."
"No tune list."
"Nuts oil net."

Tony Blair becomes:

"Tory in Lab."
"Tiny Labor."
"Only a brit."
"Liar by ton."
"Lot brainy?"
"Rainy Blot."

George W Bush becomes:

"Bush ego grew."
"He grew bogus."
""W": he bugs Gore."
"e.g. bug whores?"
"Bugger, who's 'e?"
"Ogre hugs web."
"Whose bugger?"
"Hog sewer bug."
"Huge row begs."
"Urge web hogs."

The Father in Law becomes:

"I'm raw, shrill acid."
"I'm arid, arch swill."
"I charm wild liars."

The Missus becomes:

"A still, ethical worm."
"Well! I'm a scholar tit."
"Cow shit! I'm all alert."
"Amoral till witches."
"I'm white-collar salt."
"All-time wit scholar."
"Small, heroical twit."
"Hell! Warm social tit."
"What clitoral slime."
"Witch or a still male."
"Well! It's coital harm."
"Hell! I'm coital warts."

Good stuff!

Stephen Donaldson
The Runes of the Earth

Linden Avery is a smalltown doctor with a secret. Ten years ago she witnessed the murder of a leper who claimed he had visited a fantastic land where his white gold wedding ring is a powerful talisman, mud heals wounds, pottery can be fixed with song, wood burns without consumption and the people are so attuned to their world that they can see health.

Ten years ago a group of fanatics kidnapped his wife. He and Linden followed them to a forest clearing behind his house. When they threaten to sacrifice her, Covenant intervenes and gets a knife in his chest. He falls into the bonfire they lit and Linden falls too, striving to save him.

As they fall, they find themselves translated into Covenants Land, but it's not the Land he remembers. The natural Law which made The Land magical has been destroyed by the Land's enemy, Lord Foul the Despiser, and a horriffic corruption of the natural order which the people call the Sunbane pervades The Land.

Covenant is outraged and leads a quest to beat the Sunbane and vanquish Lord Foul once and for all. For months he and Linden strive to complete his quest, with Giants, malevolent spirits, superhuman guardians for companions and Lord Foul's minions, the incorporeal Ravers harrying them, poisoning Covenant and sparking a reaction which causes him to tap into the elusive Wild Magic in his ring, the use of which jeopardises the whole of existence. All the while, he and Linden strive to come to terms with the fact that, in the real world, he is already dead.

Linden is traumatised by everything she sees, being the only person in The Land who has "health sense". She is tortured by the sickness she sees and seduced by the deep love Covenant demonstrates for The Land.

Linden learns that she too is capable of great power within the land and after Covenant sacrifices himself in one final battle with Lord Foul, she uses her healing skills and Land-born power to banish the Sunbane and rescue The Land. As Covenant dies, she is sent back to the real world, to be confronted with Covenant's corpse and the mutilated members of the cult which killed him.

Ten years pass.

Covenant's wife has been sent insane by the events surrounding his murder. After his eighteenth birthday, Covenant's son returns to claim her from the hospital where she had been held. After talking to him, Linden realises that he somehow knows all about The Land and that he intends to attempt to travel there. He abducts his mother and Linden's adopted son, who was a child member of the cult that killed his father.

He returns to the place of his father's murder, with Linden and the police in pursuit. There's a standoff and a shootout while a thunderstorm rages around the sacrificial altar where Covenant was killed. His son is gunned down just as lightning hits the alter. A bullet hits Linden in the chest and as she falls, she is taken to The Land, where she learns that not only has Covenant's son been taken, but his insane wife, who still holds her own white gold wedding ring, but Linden's son too. With nothing but a madman and her memories to guide her, she sets off to find her son and to confront Lord Foul, who taunts her through his possession of her companion and who is holding Covenant's wife captive, making use of her madness and her ring to ravage the land with strange destructive vortexes.

I've read and re-read the first two Chronicles many times and love the story. I've looked forward to this book for a long time. And I want so dearly to not say that it was a disappointment. But I think it was.

It's not so much that this book contains so many changes as to make The Land unrecognisable. It just takes so damn long to get going. In the first chronicles, Covenant takes a chapter to get brought to The Land, while in Runes, Donaldson has taken meticulous care to set up an intricate and convoluted explanation why and how four people get transported.

In fact, "meticulous" and "intricate" could be the best words to describe this book. The plot is flabby with vast tracts of explanation and exposition. He spends so much time explaining the convoluted history he wove in the first six books that the progression of events is brought to a crawl.

I can accept that this is the first book in a four book series and that I really can't make a true judgement on how well it works until I can read all four books back-to-back, but while it left me wanting to read the next book, it also left me frustrated and unfulfilled due to the chugging pace and (to me, anyway) uneccessary over-explanation.

I want to like it. I can't say "enjoy" because the very nature of Thomas Covenant and Linden Avery preclude enjoyment. I think once I've read it a few more times and allowed the subtleties of the plot to sink in that I might get to like it, but for now, I need to sit down and digest it once again while probably taking notes.

This is not a good book to start with. If you haven't read the previous two Chronicles of Thomas Covenant, this book won't work at all for you. And unfortunately, if you have read them, you'll find it just as unfulfilling as I did.

All I can say is "Roll on the next three books".

Leisure
W.H. Davies (1870 - 1940)

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.

A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

(This is the poem I read out at my Uncle's funeral. The thinking behind it was that maybe if we'd took a little more time to listen to that quiet, private man, he'd still be alive)

To start the New Year off, here's a couple of links to stories I think will affect more than a few things this year:

America redefines torture

The Iraq-born rift between the US and UN is affecting the Tsunami aid effort (see here and here). While people are mostly talking reconciliation and denial, the truth seems to be that the US administration now holds an ingrained hatred of Kofi Annan which only seems to have got worse since his stance against the legality of the invasion of Iraq.

There's allegations aplenty that the US's response to the tsunami disaster has been not much more than a reaction to UN criticism.

This is something to watch this year, I reckon. The implications of the US facing off more openly against the UN could have wide-ranging consequences. Look at the bullshit the US has spread about Saddam throughout its own people, with a high percentage truly believing he had something to do with the Sept 11th attacks. If the same stories start getting spread about the UN, the consequences could be a cold war with the US finally showing its hand as the aggressive Neo-Colonialist Imperialists they so desperately want to be. By not showing the maturity and responsibility their position requires, they may get the isolation the insisted on 80 years ago.

America is so completely integrated with the rest of the world that most countries have forgotten that they used to get along perfectly well without them. Look at what we import from the States: stuff which originally came from far east, repackaged and resold.

We might just be looking at the dawn of a new age in propaganda as we see how the media deals with this.

And as Midnight approaches, this still, small, quiet corner of cyberspace wishes you all the best for the new year.

Another year, another chance to get it right.

See you on the other side...

Here's a quick mention of something that happened way back in May which I don't think I mentioned before:

From FreeRepublic.com

OUTNUMBERED British soldiers killed 35 Iraqi attackers in the Army’s first bayonet charge since the Falklands War 22 years ago. The fearless Argyll and Sutherland Highlanders stormed rebel positions after being ambushed and pinned down.

Despite being outnumbered five to one, they suffered only three minor wounds in the hand-to-hand fighting near the city of Amara.

The battle erupted after Land Rovers carrying 20 Argylls came under attack on a highway.

After radioing for back-up, they fixed bayonets and charged at 100 rebels using tactics learned in drills.

Charge ... tactics from drills

When the fighting ended bodies lay all over the highway — and more were floating in a nearby river. Nine rebels were captured.

An Army spokesman said: “This was an intense engagement.”

Well, it seems someone's been listening to the voices of reason:

Colin Powell says the US's $35m is "just a start"

UK raises it's donation to £50m, while the British public has already donated £25m.

The Queen has pledged to donate a "substantial sum"

And newsreaders have renamed one of the islands affected. Expect news to now come from the island of POOket.

Every time I hear about it, the death toll increases in the Tsunami disaster. When I went to sleep the estimated total was 80,000. Now it's gone up to 100,000 and will probably continue to increase exponentially.

I'm with the Urban Fox on this one. Our governments need to be sending a shitload more money and aid. £15 million is an insult.

Found this list on LotsOfJokes.com. Most of the lists could just as easily be called "How to make yourself look like a complete twat in one easy gesture" like this one for Workplace japes, but this one for Telemarketer annoyance is just the ticket, and I'll be employing these tactics just as soon as the next one rings:

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . "

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. (This works great if you are male) Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10. If the Telemarketer is selling raffle tickets, tell him or her that you work for the same company, and that employees cannot participate.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "OH MY GOD!" and then hang up.

12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask if he/she will give you their home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" and proceed to hang up.

13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation. For added effect, clanging of cutlery and dishes is recommended.

15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up... louder... louder!

20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.

And another stolen one. I just had to give in!

The A to Z of me.
A is for age: 31
B is for boyfriend: One time too many.
C is for career: Of my own devising, real soon.
D is for dad's name: James Roland Clement (pity him!)
E is for essential item to bring on an airplane: How would I know? Never been in one.
F is for favorite song at the moment: Anything not containing the word Christmas
G is for girlfriend: Had one too many, or six too few, depending on your point of view.
H is for hometown: Birmingham
I is for instruments you play(ed): Piano, Bugle, Guitar, Penny whistle - all badly.
J is for jam or jelly you like: Orange jelly.
K is for kids: Oh god, yes.
L is for living arrangements: Cohabiting
M is for megalomaniacal: British Gas and CKS domestics are convinced I am
N is for name of your best friend: Outside of family...they've all drifted away, like they have all my life.
O is for overnight hospital stays: Keeping youngest kid company while she had a chest infection two winters ago. Wallowed in the ward bath for an hour. First bath I'd had in years!
P is for phobia[s]: wasps. Much to everyone's amusement.
Q is for quote you like: "Yes sir"
R is for relationship that lasted the longest: nearly 8 years and counting
S is for sexual position: Something involving boots, ropes or chains
T is for time you wake up: 7:30 - 8am
U is for unique trait: A stare that can make people gibber.
V is for vegetable you love: I wouldn't go that far.
W is for worst habit: Intolerance
X is for x-rays you've had: One, at the dentists, a long time ago. My wisdom teeth were fine.
Y is for yummy food you make: Christmas dinner was outstanding. I do excellent Italian and Chinese, too.
Z is for zodiac sign: Gemini

I tried my best not to nick this one, but I'm weak:

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Dad
2. Nick*
3. Bastard**
* - Not my real name, the guy from my dads work who I bought my car off. Dad's invariably called me Nick for years.
** - Part of our more interesting Sex Play (No, I'm not telling)

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. Nwsy
2. Robin Lithaborn
3. ^Chuckle^

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Determination
2. Ability to keep a relationship together
3. Adaptability

THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Life's
2. Too
3. Short

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Thailand - One of my maternal great-grandfathers was from Bangkok. They had to leave the country in a hurry during a coup in 1934. Jury's out on whether he was part of the Royal family and whether he survived.
2. A family name that goes back countless generations (although I haven't got it). I think we have a coat of arms.
3. Geordieland - My paternal grandparents came from there.

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Alzheimers
2. Driving (this is gonna change soon)
3. Club wielding mobs.

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Room to move
2. Someone to take the kids off my hands
3. Time to catch my breath

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. My favourite green "Free your soul" T-shirt
2. Boxers
3. Deodorant

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS/ARTISTS (at the moment):
1. Deacon Blue
2. The Beatles
3. John Lee Hooker

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1. Deacon Blue - I will see you tomorrow
2. God, I dunno. I'm being brainwashed by Cbeebies.

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. Learn to drive
2. Hold down a decent job
3. Tai Chi

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
1. Time to spend with each other
2. Time to be apart from each other
3. Interesting toys

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE*
1. I got conned into having one of my kids
2. I can feel the career clock ticking
3. I am actually a ten year old kid from Alabama

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX (or same) THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. What's on their feet (boots good)
2. A face that doesn't resemble my ex
3. A genuine smile

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. Drive
2. Give in
3. Put up with corporate bullshit

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. T'internet
2. Reading
3. Gathering knowledge on whichever topic is top of my list today

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Give the kids to someone else for an hour or two
2. Snap my fingers and have the place tidy itself up - a la Mary Poppins
3. Move without the possibility of elbowing a kid in the face

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. Owner of Internet Cafe
2. Shop asssitant
3. Owner of PC supplies shop

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Snowdonia
2. Yorkshire
3. New Zealand

THREE KID'S NAMES
1. Dweezil
2. Porche
3. Arthur

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Be important
2. Attain wisdom
3. Live in a vastly expensive house

Merry Christmas!


Normal service resumes after the Turkey's gone down...

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

My paranoia radar is going off the scale because of this, this and this.

Three posts from bloggers who really should know better on the subject of the recent vote on Identity Cards.

I've not been very interested in the whole issue, so I decided this morning to have a little dig around. I've cast my increasingly bored eye over NO2ID and the draft legislation (That's a link to the PDF file, by the way) in order to get an appreciation of what the main issues are.

This is what I've deduced:

NO2ID is full of exaggerations. In its FAQ's it states the national ID database will hold over 50 different pieces of information on you. In reality, while this is true from a certain point of view, it breaks down to this: Name, Address, Biometric Identification, NI number, Passport number, immigration status and the histories thereof. Big deal. Sainsbury's knows more about me. Sainsbury's has a comprehensive list of everything I've bought, every store I've visited and how much I've spent going back at least three years. It has the capacity to log every item I've bought from every one of a dozen different shops and every time I use my Barclaycard. You can't do that with an ID card. You can't build a comprehensive list of where I've been and what I've done with an ID card. You can with a Nectar card. You wanna be scared? Be scared of that!

So it's not illegal to refuse to carry a Nectar card. Let me ask you this. How many times a day do you seriously think you're going to have to produce your ID card? Does anyone out there seriously think the police are going to bust your door down, or stop EVERYONE they pass and ask them to produce their cards on a daily basis? Get real! The majority of people in this country, and I'm talking scores of millions of people, will NEVER.....EVER.......EVER be asked to produce their cards, and therefore will never NEED one, therefore will never GET one!

The only difference between the information on your ID card and the information you need to hold a credit card, driving licence, passport or loyalty card is the iris scan and fingerprint. Do you realise that? Do you realise that your fingerprints are quite possibly on record anyway? Ever have the police come to your school and show you the fingerprinting kit? ever had your place dusted for prints after a burglary? Your dabs are on record.

Consider how many different cards you carry around with you anyway. Consider the process that happens every time you put your signature on on a credit card stub, or enter your pin at the checkout. Consider how much your cards cost you every year in bank charges.

Paranoia and scaremongering may be wonderful tools for building impressively scary websites, bugging the Government for the sake of "sticking it to The Man" or writing outrageously overblown essays on personal freedom, but please guys, take a few minutes to look at the thing with a touch of pragmatism, a pinch of realism and a hefty dose of cynicism.

No-one's going to GET an ID card anytime soon. No-one you know will ever be asked to produce their ID card, no-one you know will ever be prosecuted for not having an ID card.

The vote in favour of ID cards was nothing more or less than a sympathy vote for Blunkett, one of their own, sacrificed on the bloody, gore splattered altar of the media witch-hunt.

Guys, you're being pathetic. This kneejerk reaction whould be above you. You've all got more brains than to be dragged in by the anti-ID card hype and hysteria. Stop wearing your dissent on your sleeves, grow up and start living in the real world. You seem to have missed the most obvious truth in the world when writing about Parliament.

The truth is this:

You think they're our elected representatives, sent to represent our views in the hallowed halls of Democracy.

You couldn't be more wrong.

They're there to suckle on the teats of the poowerful.

They're there to take advantage of whores and expense accounts.

They're there because they're the most convincing liars, the best at covering their tracks and they've blackmailed the most amount of influential people.

The people we elect to run this country are the people least fit to do the job.

Remember that the next time you get a fit of indignation at the latest crap they come out with. They're all self-serving, power hungry, corrupt pen pushers and I defy anyone to prove me wrong.

Ignore them and get on with running round on your little corporate hamster wheels.

It's a sad day in Bittorrent land, with the demise of all the major downloading sites.

No explanation has been given for any of the closures, but it's kind of assumed they're running scared from the RIAA and MPAA and their new determination to prosecute sites which distribute Bittorrent files.

Let's not forget that no illegal information is contained on these sites, that Bittorrent is the most efficient way of distributing large files and that it would be remarkably easy to set up a pay service using bittorrent.

Let's also not fail to remember that those two organisations are barely tolerated within the industries they represent and that they have no jurisdiction overseas.

Gits.

Just a quick thanks to Love & The City for linking to me!

I did start composing a post on the origins of Christmas and celebrations around the end of the year, but the more I looked around for information, the more I came to the conclusion that everyone has their own way of marking the holiday season, whether it's by giving presents, going to church, being miserable, panicking or celebrating the fact that the year has turned a corner and the days are getting longer again.

So here's a couple of quotes from my favourite christmas songs:

"Merry Christmas you arse, I pray God it's our last"

"The Christmas we get, we deserve"

Zoe Slater about to fall from view completely:

EastEnders actor Michelle Ryan is planning to quit the soap next year to pursue a modelling career, The Sun reports today.

The star, who has played Zoe Slater for four years, will also try to land Hollywood film roles with new agents Peters Fraser and Dunlop.

"She plans to leave EastEnders towards the end of next year," a friend told the newspaper. "Michelle has been in the show since she left school and feels like she needs to spread her wings. Producers will be sad to see her go - she is one of the most popular characters."

Her new agents have high hopes for their newest signing. "They want to turn her into the next Keira Knightley," the source added. "She has already had quite a few offers, but has had to turn a lot down because of her commitment to EastEnders."

You couldn't make it up:

From Digital Spy

One half of comedy duo the Krankies was rushed to hospital yesterday after falling from a beanstalk.

Janette Tough - better known as Wee Jimmy Krankie - plunged 20 feet from a giant beanstalk during Wednesday's matinee performance of Jack and the Beanstalk at Glasgow's Pavilion Theatre. Fellow cast member Gary Hollywood was also injured.

"She was at the top of the beanstalk at the end of act one," explained theatre manager Iain Gordon. "The beanstalk goes in the air about five metres, and as they were coming down the beanstalk bent."

Krankie, 57, was rushed immediately to hospital. A spokesman for the Scottish Ambulance Service confirmed: "Wee Jimmy Krankie fell out of the beanstalk on to the stage and was taken to Glasgow Royal Infirmary."

Her current condition is unknown.

Unlikely radio spot no. 16498: James Dean Bradfield is on Dermot O'Leary's Saturday Club on Radio 2. Rawk.

Gotta listen to that one!

So, David Blunkett is arrogant and self-opinionated, huh?

I'm liking him more and more.

I tried to stop myself doing this one, but I just couldn't help it! Nicked off Graham again:

What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
Worked in a crap pub. Realised that I could actually build a working Business Plan.

Did you keep your new years' resolutions and will you make more for next year?
I don't remember making any, but I'm sure I broke them if I did.

Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nup.

Did anyone close to you die?
Yup. My uncle committed suicide.

What countries did you visit?
Shakespeare country.

What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
A car. Oh look, there it is now.

What date from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
I don't really remember dates that way. The kids birthdays, our holiday, things like that.

Did you suffer illness or injury?
The usual - Gout, IBS, the odd cold, bouts of general malaise. Nothing I couldn't handle.

What was the best thing you bought?
That's a toughie. I really don't know. All our stuff is pretty much equally neccessary and useful. If you stretch a definition, I could say our holiday.

Whose behavior merited celebration?
The kids. They've come on in leaps and bounds and while they're terrors at home, they've acquitted themselves wonderfully at school and nursery.

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Too many people. Not depressed, but certainly appalled.

Where did most of your money go?
Fucked if I know. Sainsbury's mostly.

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The holiday, Selling shitloads of videos on Ebay, the new Steven Donaldson book.

What song will always remind you of 2004?
Nothing really stands out. Stretching a definition, the poem I read at my uncle's funeral will stick with me.

Compared to this time last year, are you:
happier or sadder? The same
thinner or fatter? Erm...
richer or poorer? poorer

What do you wish you'd done more of?
Sex, worked.

What do you wish you'd done less of?
Nothing. No regrets.

How will you be spending Christmas?
Spinning like a top.

Did you fall in love in 2004?
Already there.

What was your favorite TV program?
Trek.

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Anthony Jordan

What was the best book you read?
I've read far too many good books to list here.


What was your greatest musical discovery of 2004?
Hayseed Dixie

What did you want and get?
A job. Shame it was a crap one, bit I got one.

What did you want and not get?
A good job.

What was your favorite film of this year?
Super Size Me

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Can't remember. I'll ask C. I was 29...erm...31.
What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?Plenty of money.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
If it's clean, wear it. If it's not clean, wear your coat zipped up.

What kept you sane?
Willpower

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
The engineer chick from "Firefly". Yummy.

What political issue stirred you the most?
Oh go on, have a guess.

Who did you miss?
My uncle. Which is odd because we were never really close, but the nature of his death really hit me.

Who was the best new person you met?
I didn't really meet anyone particularly wonderful this year.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004:
Nah, got all them sorted out ages ago.

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"War...HUH...What is it good for? Absolutely nothing!"

This is old news, but I thought I'd mention it:

The Black Watch are back from Iraq. Just like Blair's been saying all along.

This has got to be the first time Tony Blair's told the truth since I don't know when, but nobody in the media seems to have mentioned this.

Wonder why.

I'm a sucker for questionnaires. This one nicked off Graham:

I am: Me

I love: My family

I hate: Red Tape

I fear: Alzheimers

I crave: An easier life

I regret: Nothing

I cry: at that bloody resuscitation scene in "The Abyss"

I care: as well as I can

I always: try and do my best

I feel alone: never

I listen: all the time

I hide: my true power

I drive: eventually

I dance: to thrash metal on an empty dancefloor with a bottle of Newky in my hand, like the
thirtysomething saddo I swore I'd never become.

I write: powerful letters to people in charge

I play: with my kids

I miss: the old days

I know: more than I think I do

I say: "stop it" far too much

I wonder: said blue cow

I want: a break

I have: the life I made for myself

I give: all the time

I feel: Old, tired, cynical, jaded, enthusiastic, confident, in control

I need: A couple of grand too see us right. Or a job for the next thirty years, preferably as my
own boss.

I've just done the egotistical thing of typing my name into google to see what comes out.

Now I wasn't expecting much, as I've kept my real name off the web as much as I can, preferring to go by aliases and nicknames.

So it was rather surprising to find that an article I'd written and that I've posted here is in top position. How about that? I google for my mane and get ME as number one result! Cool.

Actually there's three pieces of my work in the first two pages. I'm rather chuffed by this.

I have a radio on my mobile phone, which I usually listen to on the way home from doing the school run. It's usually tuned to Radio 2. Well this morning I caught the "Pause for Thought" section where a religious personage brings their point of view to bear on one of the topics of the day.

Today it was the leader of the American Methodist church who'd recently been on a visit to Aushwitz.

He talked about something I've been saying for at least half my life, which is that the best way of ensuring the horrors of the world wars don't happen again is by remembering what happened. I think a visit to a concentration camp should be compulsory and one day I'll go.

There's a heaviness apparently, you can feel the evil in the air. Knowing that many hundreds of thousands were murdered on the ground on which you stand surely must humble and horrify.

But despite that, we now live in a world where "genocide" is a word we hear almost every day in the news. The Balkans and Africa have been decimated in the name of "ethnic cleansing", as has Cambodia in the past. I find it unbearable that the lessons we learned, or our grandfathers learned in the World Wars only lasted two generations. Are we so shortsighted? Can it be that there are people out there growing up right now whose minds will naturally turn to the systematic destruction of all those who are different than them?

The answer of course is yes.

But where does blame lie? That young innocent suckling on hs mother's breast will one day turn out to be the murderer of millions of people. How does one become the other? What volume of horror and hatred does an infant need to be filled with in order to become a despot?

Most of the worlds governments are corrupt, if not all. Almost every country in the world supports and actively encourages the villification and persecution of groups of people whose only crime is to think or behave differently.

Hundreds of people will die in the next hour because of institutional greed, corruption and hatred.

And we, the person on the street, can do nothing to stop it. That's right, nothing. All the petition signing, protesting, chest ebating in the world won't make the damndest bit of difference. Chain youselves to railings, throw yourselves in front of tanks, drive your little car hundreds of miles and set yourself alight in the town square, it won't make a difference.

But that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. You see, it's not us that need to change. It's not the protesters and petition signers that need to alter the way they do things. It's the people in charge that need to change. Power doesn't necessarily need to corrupt. You don't HAVE to play the game "their" way.

But to be able to make a difference, you need to be in that position of command, so how do you get there?

Easy. Play it their way. Use the corrupt system to your advantage, get all the way to the top then, when they can't stop you, change everything. Be the sheep in wolf's clothing. Compromise your principles until you don't need to anymore because the outcome of your subterfuge is so good and right that you will be forgiven. The world is full of secret organisations and conspiracies - the powers behind the thrones, the voice in the ear of the figureheads. It's about time one of those voices started saying the right things.

I'd love to live in a world where there were secret sleeper agents throughout the worlds governments who will one day start eradicating red tape, eliminationg third world debt, decommissioning weapons, relaxing borders, promoting religious tolerance, crippling big business.

A pipe dream worth having, but a world in chaos as a result. I may write a story about it.

My ebay sales are going rather better than expected. Check the link to my auctions over on the left.

I can only assume that I'm not the only one who's bought the Christmas Radio Times and come to the conclusion that there's actually bollocks all worth watching over the whole two weeks.

There's some decent movies for sale there, so grab 'em before they finish on Friday.

My mate Graham seems to have had an epiphany.

This excerpt from his blog sums up the decision I came to some ten years ago:

I’ve got a life to live, and it starts now. I can’t spend the rest of my life regretting what I cannot change, only merely endeavouring not to repeat the same mistakes.

Nice one mate. Stick to the philosophy in that entry and life will be sweet, I promise.

You scored as Erato. You are Erato. The muse of love poetry, you view the world through rose colored glasses. Appearance is very important to you, and you are considered to be the most beautiful of all nine muses. Erato 69% Thalia 56% Melpomene 50% Euterpe 44% Urania 31% Terpischore 31% Calliope 25% Clio 12% Polyhymnia 12% Which of the Greek Muses are you? created with QuizFarm.com

These are C's results and I heartily agree!

Memo: Company Computer Upgrade

The existing stock of personal computers in our organization is nearing the end
of it's useful life and we have been evaluating the options available for the
future.

It has been decided that the goal is to remove all laptop computers by March
2005 and all desktops computers by July 2005.

Instead everyone will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch.

There are many sound reasons for doing this:

1) No boot-up problems
2) No technical glitches keeping work from being done.
3) No Software installs required
4) No more wasted time reading and writing emails.
5) No more worries about power cuts.
6) Budget savings on Upgrades unparalleled
7) Immunity from computer viruses
8) No passwords to remember

Some Frequently Asked Questions from the Etch-A-Sketch Help Desk:

Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen.
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I Undo?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I create a New Document window?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same colour?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document?
A: Don't shake it.

If you have any further queries, please feel free to ask a child.

You scored as Middle Class. You're content in your position and would prefer a house or a family than a seven figure pay cheque. But you have your moments of weakness when you buy a lottery ticket in the hope of knowing how the rich and famous live. Middle Class 67% alternative 58% Lower Class 42% Upper middle Class 33% Luxurious Upper Class 17% What Social Status are you? created with QuizFarm.com

(Thanks to Mark for this one)

I feel old.

Old and jaded and tired, like I never have before.

Right now as I sit here, the Christmas tree is blazing with multicolour bulbs, the lights in the window chase each other permanently, garlands hang from the ceiling and our bedroom is filled with presents, wrapped and not-yet-wrapped. And how do I feel? Numb.

Christmas for me isn't the joyous time it should be any more. It's a time of frantic shopping trips, barely sane present-buying excursions which, despite ten months of planning never seem to go right. Sleepless nights poring over spreadsheets, working out our budget for the next four weeks to be sure we can survive, buy the turkey, get all the presents and still have enough to go out for a meal on Boxing Day. Days full of persuading C that you can't plan a christmas around the Argos website, or that three weeks is really quite a long time and yes, the money will be there when we need it and we don't need to do two week's shopping on the 24th because actually all the shops are open again on Boxing day.

Christmas has been going on since September here. She'd come home with reports on how many shops had got their christmas stock on the shelves on a daily basis. I went through days of evil glares, arguments and frantic reminders to pick up the Boots christmas catalogue just three weeks ago. When I actually went in, I looked around, found nothing and asked an assistant. They weren't even out for another week!

See, Christmas isn't all fun and sweetness for me. Christmas for me is whirling like a dervish trying to keep three kids (one of which is in her 20's and really knows better) happy. Christmas for me is torturous, endless phone calls from grandparents, clueless about what to buy for the kids, despite spending plenty of time with them. Christmas for me is negotiating work hours and suffering the recriminations if I get lumbered with working over New Year. Christmas for me is getting blamed for everything because C is so deeply panicked by mid-November that nothing she does or says makes sense anymore.

I want to enjoy the festive season. I want to look forward to the days gradually getting longer and the rebirth of the year. I want to sit back, relax and enjoy the celebrations with my family around me. I don't want my Christmas to be defined, as it so definitely is, by the words PANIC and DESPERATION.

I want my Christmas to be a Johnny Mathis song.

I'm feeling the need to share some song lyrics with you. They're by Deacon Blue:

I Will See You Tomorrow

Outside the world
The wind is howling
Through the broken trees
And the moon is shining
As the river meets the sea

And I will see you tomorrow
Calm and bright in tender light
And my heart will be racing
Like your wakening eyes

Inside my room the curtain`s blowing
And our bed it lies unmade
But the morning will be broken
By the loving words you say

Though you`re far still your heart sounds loud beating time with me
Through the day the only grace I get is
I want to be you

In the world time were rushing
Like the cool evening breeze
But my soul is calm
And I will see you presently

I absolutely love the words of this song. It reminds me of happier times, at the start of our relationship, before we moved in together and I still had the delicious pang of loneliness when she wasn't there, the luxury of looking forward to meeting up with her. I can remember days just like these, breezy spring days, languid air billowing out the bedroom curtains as we stir and shift against each other in the early morning. Bliss.

Sir John Stevens, Commissioner of the Metropolitan Police, has said he supports householders rights to defend their own home. And it's about time.

OK, I'm biased. Jordan, the cunt that burgled us, was in our living room no more than ten seconds before I got in there. It makes me sick to the stomach to think that, if he'd had a knife and attacked me, that he could prosecute ME if I defended myself, my family, my belongings.

We have a walking stick in the hall and I'd picked that up just in case. If he'd not managed to get out the window and I'd come face to face with him, what would I have done? What would he have done? The police told me he was a placid type who avoids confrontation, but at 1:30am, hearing crashing and banging downstairs when we'd JUST walked up the stairs, how were we to know that?

All this shouldn't even be a consideration. When I'm rushing to defend my family from a breakin, I don't want to be considering what would constitute "reasonable force". As far as I'm concerned, I'd be well within my rights to hammer the cunt into unconsciousness. I don't want to try and guess whether or not the guy's tooled up. I want to stop him stealing our stuff and keep him around until the police can shove him in a cell.

My point is, if the guy's broken into someone else's house with the intention of relieving them of a portion of their worldly possessions, or even worse, then right now they know that the law protects them from harm. As vile as it sounds, someone can break in to wherever you are right now, hammer crap out of you, leave you disabled and dying but if you raise one finger to defend yourself, then you WILL be prosecuted.

It goes beyond sickening. The wrong people have too many rights. If you're on my property, if you're going to take my stuff or harm my family then you waive your rights. If you don't want to get hurt, you shouldn't have been in my house.

Anthony Jordan, I don't know if you'll ever read this, but if I'd been quicker down those stairs, if I'd caught you in my house, you would have had the fucking shit beaten out of you. You chose to jump in though my living room window. You chose to take that risk. Well that risk includes the chance of being caught by someone who doesn't want you to be there and who is ready to lay some heavy shit on you. I am one of those people. I wish I'd been quicker. I would have enjoyed fucking you up.

After being hammered by four tropical storms in two weeks, with over a thousand dead and more thousands stranded, Indonesia suspends logging.

There's a report here.

It wasn't so long ago that hundreds were killed in devastating mudslides which were also undoubtedly linked to the intensive deforestation. It's wonderful that finally something is going to get done about the idiotic damage being done to the country.

With any luck the rest of the world will start to sit up and take notice of the consequences of their actions.

A few dates for your diaries:


December 3 is National Roof-Over-Your-Head Day

December 4 is Wear Brown Shoes Day

December 8 is Take It In The Ear Day

December 10 is Festival For The Souls Of Dead Whales

December 12 is National Ding-A-Ling Day

December 18 is National Roast Suckling Pig Day

December 21 is Look At The Bright Side Day, National Flash-
light Day, National French Fried Shrimp Day, and Hamburger
Day

December 26 is National Whiners Day

December 28 is Card Playing Day and National Chocolate Day

December 30 is Festival Of Enormous Changes At The Last
Minute and National Bicarbonate Of Soda Day

Meet Stew

Well, I want to call him Stew. C wants to call him something like Zillah or Satan, spawn of ancient evil or George Bush, A wants to call him Smudge and B is traumatised because he'd rather hide in his bedroom than come out and be chased around.

Turns out, it was just too cold at the North Pole, so Santa sent an elf to bring him round early. Isn't that nice?