Frak you, Motherfrakker

You scored as Capt. Lee Adama (Apollo). You have spent your life trying to life up to and impress your Dad, shame he never seemed to notice. You are a stickler for the rules. But in matters of loyalty and honour you know when they have to be broken. Capt. Lee Adama (Apollo) 56% CPO Galen Tyrol 56% Tom Zarek 56% Commander William Adama 50% President Laura Roslin 44% Dr Gaius Baltar 38% Lt. Kara Thrace (Starbuck) 31% Lt. Sharon Valerii (Boomer) 31% Number 6 31% Col. Saul Tigh 13% What New Battlestar Galactica character are you? created with QuizFarm.com

Take a look at the Lawman...

A brilliant series ended last night. I've watched them all - some of them twice, and I'll be in the queue when the DVD comes out, too.

I'm a sucker for time-travel stories. Doctor Who, Quantum Leap, Goodnight Sweetheart all have places high on my "Top Shows" list. And "Life on Mars" is a worthy addition.

Can't wait for the next series in the New Year.

Could there be anyone less appropriate...?

Someone please tell me this is just some sick joke...

We've just had the Mother-in-Law over...

How much of a smoker do you have to be to impregnate the smell of smoke into a plastic bag?

This is why I read the Business News...

Five of the United States' busiest ports have been sold to the government of the United Arab Emirates.

Sort of...

The company that owns the ports - P&O (of cross-channel ferry fame) - has been bought by the Dubai-based firm DPW. The deal includes the sale of five US ports - and oddly enough, everyone except President Bush is going fucking nuts over it.

Instead of trying to explain all the ins and outs of what I've been reading today, here's some links to news stories that detail the progression and stupidity of the whole damn thing:

A Reuters article on recent Arabian investments in the US, detailing - amongst other things - Saudi shares in America's biggest Bank and Apple computers, recent investment in Chrystler and DPW's investment in another port-owning company, the CSX Corporation.

An editorial piece from a UAE-based news service, the Khaleej Times, discussing the ports purchase in the context of a time of economical growth in the Middle East. Isn't the pursuit of wealth and the creation of a healthy, prosperous nation one of the US's founding ideals?

Also from Khaleej Times, this report of a radio interview:

"The Oklohoma bombing was carried out by an American. That does not mean Americans are terrorists. There were bombings and killings in Britain, but that does not mean you cannot deal with Britain"

An article on the imminent purchase from Jan 28th. Which rather spits in the face of Bush's assertions that he didn't know about it until Monday.

Al Jazeera's front page. No wonder Bush wanted to bomb them. The big US news is relegated to a minor subheadding.

A report from Media insider site Mediamatters on how US TV has been reporting the news - and the oh-so-surprising bias against anything Arabian.

A talkback board from the Lawrence Journal, Kansas:

"These Saudis have business relations with the Bush family. So is "Reckless Spending George" gaining a kickback? Seems right up his alley...

How many times do we want the Nations security bought and sold?"

Friend or foe? Both at the same time, according to the New York Times.

A fascinating rant from the heart of Bush country, the hilarious and outraged Bayou Buzz has this to say:

"America is not going to deal with terror and we are not going to allow a country to control our ports—especially one with a long history of helping a terror network in its own borders.

You can call this position as being anti-Arab--all you want. We call it doing what is right and what is safe. And, we are not going to be bullied by your one-sided news--not now, not ever."

And now, the shocker:

While all this furore is kicking off about sea ports being owned by UAE-based companies, the US has just invested in a UAE-based SPACEport!

Have this article from Travel Daily News, or this one from Travelvideo.tv, or this one from "the ultimate Middle East business resource".

Finally, voices of reason are being heard in the strangest places - Threatswatch, and of all places, Indymedia!

My take on it? Glaringly obvious anti-Arabian bias for all to see. The rest of the world is watching these senators and news networks throwing their toys out of their prams and they're all either flabbergasted, incredulous or dismissive. And those are pretty much the same reactions I'm having.

Just another bombsite...

Yeah, just another ruined part of Iraq. Another small step on the road to annhiliation and devastation.

Only problem is, it used to look like this:

One of the most holy Shi'ite mosques. Which means that this bombsite will be the catalyst for civil war. Which means the foreign troops will have to stay longer. Which means the fighting will get worse.

I've said it about Palestine and I'm going to say it about Iraq. Why not just get the fuck outta dodge and let them slug it out? Then we can applaud the victors and congratulate them over the vast pile of rubble they've managed to conquer.

Current mood? Despondent.

News roundup...

Some idiot let Ian Brady loose with the crayons. Imagine getting a letter from the man who tortured, abused and murdered your son, being told that he knows where the body you've been bereft of for forty years is located. Can't? Neither can I.

Apparently we live in the best country in the world. Even more apparently, we're the most boring people in the world. Anyone get the feeling we're wasting this wonderful country? Johnny Foreigner thinks so. They also think that the French are the rudest and the Americans are the most ignorant. Sounds about right to me.

Wembley won't be ready for the FA Cup. I couldn't be happier. Birmingham was robbed of its chance to host the new national stadium and since then the construction of Wembley has been a long tale of excess, corruption and incompetence. Here's a question - will it ever be ready?

And on a lighter note...

What can you say?

I've read what others have posted about this, I've read a couple of articles. The reactions I've seen have ranged from plain loopy to scarily idiotic to reasoned and logical.

The only thing I can give you is my honest reaction.

Good.

People like David Irving are the most dangerous people on the planet. We owe it to the people that died to remember why the Holocaust happened. Only by accepting and remembering what happened and why can we ever hope to stop it happening again, and it must never be allowed to happen again. The Holocaust must never be denied.

** Update **

Anyone else noticed the startling similarity between our favourite revisionist historian and former Thatcherite diarist Alan Clark?

I tellya...

If half term lasted a day longer, you'd be dredging the canal for the little darlings.

And Charlie just came up with a rather inventive putdown:

"She's such a slag, she'd fuck a bottle of bees"

Remind me to tell yu about the subject of that particular putdown one day...

Fuckitty fuck...

I was playing with one of my other blogs and killed the template on this blog by mistake when Firefox crashed on me.

So I've taken the opportunity to try out a new template.

I think it looks terribly cluttered, but I'm going to have a play with a couple of things and see if I can't get them looking a bit better.

Added to that, my hits haven't recovered from my enforced server change yet, and I suspect I'm talkng to exactly no-one, but as I've deleted the old site, hopefully people will drift back again soon.

If you have just drifted back, could you think about leaving a comment please - that's if the comment system's working...

Fixed...but...

Well, my web hosting is fixed, but y'know what - I'm going to stay on Blogger's servers until I've found a host that's not going to forget I've paid them.

Tsk.

Oops...

There's something wrong with my web hosting provider, so for the time being, I'm back on Blogger's hosting.

Ah well, these things are sent to test us.

You'll need to reset your RSS feed again, I'm afraid.

Just a quick question, Mr Bush...

If you've got more weapons than anyone else ever, what
do you need more for?

Succinct, ain't it?

Ever feel like just chucking everything up in the air and screaming "I don't give a fuck!"?

Well, if you do, join the club.

Time for bed.

Sproing.

Why do we kid ourselves...?

Do we celebrate Christmas by thanking God for the birth of His Son or do we buy shitloads of presents and decorate a tree?

Do we celebrate Easter by giving thanks for the resurrecton of Christ or by surrounding ourselves with bunnies and eggs?

What exactly is the Christian precedent for celebrating the gathering in of the Harvest?

What Saint's day is celebrated around 20th - 25th June?

What are we celebrating on Hallowe'en? Do we remember the lives of all the various saints who don't have their own day, or do we celebrate the day on which the physical and spirit worlds come together?

Why do we have a day off on Mayday?

The plain fact is that none of these festival days would have been celebrated in Jesus' day, or during the lifetime of the first few generations of Christians.

Through the centuries, various inheritors of the faith have sought to integrate...let's say "Indigenous religions" into their traditions. The forms of worship we have today bear little or no resemblance to what is mapped out as the way to Heaven in the Bible. In short, they're all fucked and they don't know it.

That is ironic, Alanis.

So why on earth do we get all bent out of shape about how terribly unChristian everything's become? I keep seeing words like "supposed to" and "should be" and "expect", but why should we? The UK is now the most secular country in the world. We have the lowest number of Church attendees and the least reliance on what's supposed to be the State religion of any time throughout our history.

The most cursory investigation will reveal the fact that every single significant day in the Christian calendar coincides with an equally significant day in many different Pagan traditions. That same cursory investigation will reveal that it's no accident.

It's time to start acknowledgeing the true roots of these festivals and celebrations and ignoring the cynical, ultimately futile attempts of the church to muscle in on everyone elses act.

Excellent...!

I've just discovered that Flickr has a WAP portal, which includes a photo upload page.

Now, for people like me who are on Virginmobile (who conveniently decided some months ago to do away with their text-to-email server) this is a godsend. I can finally MoBlog properly!

Expect some more pics to make their way onto this page over the next few days...

Right, so...

I am 42 percent fat. Can't tell you how happy I am about that.

So I celebrated with a curry. Not sure I've got the idea of this diet thing just yet.

I jest, of course. The curry was another Katsu - now being saved for special occasions - and all the ingredients (apart from rice and potato) are within the remit of my diet plan, so I've almost stuck to the rules.

Because I can't see a way of cutting down the cooking time working from scratch, I've made up a litre of curry sauce to freeze down and use next time, so now I just need to boil up some potato and carrot and make some fried chicken up. The fridge looks even more impressive now, as I have little tubs of home made vinaigrette and curry sauce all over the place.

Vinaigrette? Yeah. Olive oil, white wine vinegar, juice of half a lime, clove of garlic, chunk of ginger. Tangy, fresh and sweet. Simple and effective. Beats most of the ones I've bought from the shops, I can tell you.

Anyway, Charlie's bogged off to the pool to swim off her curry and I'm settling in for a dose of Holby and "24".

Sigh...and relax...

Soon, my pretty...soon...

The Blueyonder page where customers are notified of impending speed increases has finally been updated. Since November, it's read "To Be Announced" in the "To be completed by" column. Now, it says "End of March".

Fucking long time to wait for something I thought I was getting a month after I signed up for it.

Love me tender...

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I wanted to write something nice
But I'm crap at poetry

I do try not to be a world weary, cynical sod sometimes, really i do.

We've been together nine years this year and our Valentines night will consist of swimming, TV and curry. Oh yes, it's a comfy, smug married Valentines for us this year.

I bought her a skipping rope with a calorie counter on it, she got me a handheld fat monitor. Romance.

Gotta go, I have some screaming kids to terrorise.

It's the Tony and Gordon show...!

So now we have two Prime Ministers.

Anyone else think Tony will be gone by Christmas? And if he is, what on earth do we make of Gordon? He's been waiting patiently since the late 90's. If he fucks things up, he'll be villified to an extent that'll make Tony look like Mother Theresa.

I dunno. This year should be very interesting, though. It'll be fascinating to watch the transfer of power.

Bits and pieces...

I've been banging on about Lord of the Rings in Mark's comment boxes, following a couple of posts about movie trilogies.

A couple of things have got me thinking.

Firstly, all lists are subjective. We all like different things and when you start asking "What's the best...?", you get all kinds of answers - none of which could be guaranteed to agree with your ideas. I personally like hearing other people's opinions. If it weren't for them, I would never have discovered Firefly, or my most recent music purchases. Anyway, I really don't understand it when people start saying "Tsk, you can't have that choice because I don't like it". Well, I do, but I reject the kind of snobbery and egocentricity that makes people say it. My choices are as valid as anyone elses, and the fact that I don't spend most of my time in a fantasy world of paranoid print and celluloid anasthesia doesn't mean I don't have the capacity to pick a favourite movie.

That aside, the plain fact is that I don't dig horror movies, and I find most sci-fi/fantasy movies rehashed hokum.

"But Why?" I don't hear you cry...

It's not some stupid reason like horror movies scare me - I've never watched one that scared me - it's just that watching people get variously eviscerated using very bad special effects - or even decent effects - leaves me cold. I've watched all the Elm Street films, all the Hellraiser films, The Exorcist and others and none of them - apart from maybe Candyman and Event Horizon - have impressed me at all. They bore me. I can't suspend my disbelief enough to enjoy watching all the pretend blood and gore. Instead, I laugh at how ludicrous it all is.

So that's Horror dealt with.

Why do I, a sci-fi fan, not like a lot of modern sci-fi?

Y'know, I've been reading sci-fi for almost as long as I could read. Age seven, I was bought my first edition of 2000ad. Fourteen years later, I was still reading it. For the whole of my childhood, I lapped up the cutting edge of british science fiction. So when stuff like Universal Soldier, Minority Report, Fifth Element, AI, The Matrix came along, all I could think is: "This is crap". Why? Because I'd had this - and things much better than this - at my fingertips for decades. What it boils down to is this: My imagination is better than what's on the screen. I sit through it and wonder why they didn't do this or that to progress the story more, or make it more exciting, or inspiring. They hype these movies beyond belief, build up the promise of an unmissable experience but ultimately do not deliver.

Look at the movies I do like:

Serenity - hyped as a continuation of the TV series. It delivered. I like.

Lord of the Rings - Promised a faithful interpretation of the books by a lifelong fan. It delivered - although with caveats.

There's others, but you get the point. Promise the heavens and earth, then not deliver and you'll lose my patronage.

What's on my mind this morning?

1) It is FUCKING cold and the radiators aren't working!

2) Now, this makes more sense! Didn't we all know it, really?

3) This, however, is turning out to be just as sick and incomprehensible.

4) So, the US has started justifying its actions by spilling the beans of an attack that was foiled four years ago. Tell me this - how do we know this attack was going to take place? How do we know someone hasn't constructed the event in order to justify Bush's witch hunts?

5) So let's get this straight - in a city you have to PAY to drive around, and then not more than ten miles an hour on average, 4x4's are the car of choice. Idiotic.

'M off to do some shopping. Later alligator.

Have you seen this man...?

Wanted for burgling a pub in Norfolk on Friday.

According to the licensee of the pub, "He didn't look that odd"

Why do I do it...?

Not-so shamelessly nicked from The Extraordinary One

1. First blog you ever read?
That would be Mark or Graham's. At the time, Graham ran a Yahoo group where he, his bro and a select number of friends would post their views on whatever occurred, much like their blog content - only I think Mark was angrier then. When we all discovered blogger, that group kinda died.

2. What inspired you to start your own?
See above!

3.The best and worst about blogging?
Best - Having a soapbox upon which to stand that no-one can knock you off. Oh, and finally keeping a diary going for more than two days...and getting feedback on what I write. Can't top that!
Worst - Changing servers and losing 90% of your traffic and a top rating on Google.

4. Who was the first person to comment on your blog?
Blimey, who knows? Lost in the mists of time, that one.

5. What has been your most popular blog entry?
I got mega hits when I linked to a video of "Show me the way to amarillo" done by a british soldier in Iraq. Also, the post where I commented on an episode of "24" that was dedicated to a recently killed American Marine.

6. If I re-named my blog I would call it?
I think I've renamed it often enough now.

7. If my blog had a theme song it would be?
Gawd...maybe the Wonderstuff song that goes "These words are not my own, they only come when I'm alone"

8. If my blog was a room it would look like?
A comfy sofa in a cluttered living room.

9. Five bloggers I would like to have over for dinner.
Oh, there's far more than five...

10. Two bloggers you would like to set up on a blind date.
Lord Bargain and...oh, someone nice, with no emotional hangups and shit.

11. Somebody I wish had a blog?
Tony Blair, George Bush, Osama Bin Laden.

12. If you were only allowed to read one blog ever again. Which blog would it be?
What? And alienate my other reader? No chance!

13. Is there a fellow blogger you would like to snog/shag/do rude things to? Feel free to name names if you’re game.
I refuse to answer this on the grounds that my words would be used to publicly castrate me shortly after the missus reads them.

14. Discover a blog. Link to a blog that you have recently found, or a blog you have been reading for a while and haven’t blogrolled.
I have yet to add Ditch Monkey and Wanderingscribe to my blogroll - which may be making a return to this hallowed page sometime in the near future (or whenever I can remember my blogrolling account details).

Bloody gorgeous...

Those are home made nuggets, by the way. More child friendly than dep frying a whole breast in one go. The image quality is shit because there was only time to grab my camera phone before the curry was devoured by a virtually evangelical Charlie.

I'm under orders to cook it every day for a month now. I think she likes it!

To compare my effort with the experts, here's a link to a Google image search for "Chicken Katsu Curry".

Fuck me...

That Katsu smells nice!

Pics to follow when it's dished up.

Drool, my minions, drool! Mwahahaha!

Moving...

No, not me. I paid for this bloody URL and I'm not leaving it now. And although we're growign increasingly bored and claustrophobic in this house, we're staying put physically, too.

No, what's moving is a guest entry on a blog I found through this post at Swiss Toni's place.

Now I've only been a guest contributor once - and that was two weeks ago, but I've seen many a foray and read many a group blog, but this post fairly blew me away. I truly believe you'll never find a better, more poignant, more moving guest entry in the whole of blogland.

Please read it.

Wow.

Culinary inspiration

For those who haven't noticed the subtle change, I've opened another blog where I can put all my kitchen related shit.

There's not much over there at the mo, but it'll fill up rapidly, I think.

Kitchen capers...

Feeling a bit listless at the moment. Yes, it probably is the fact that it's almost three am, but there you go.

So anyway, these last couple of days I've had a bit of an experimental thing going on in the kitchen. Yesterday I made a thai marinade and did chicken kebabs, today I found a recipe which looks a bit yicky, but is apparently one of Japan's favourite dishes which I realised I only need ketchup and a big sieve before I can attempt it.

Y'see, I'm quite proud of my collection of herbs and spices. There's a whole cupboard given over to them - turmeric, basil, chives, lemon grass, fish sauce, three different kinds of oil, two different types of chilli, worcester sauce, tons of garlic...you name it, it's in there.

The revelation I've had, though, is to watch a cookery programme and to be able to say "Oh, that looks easy, I'll knock that up tomorrow" - and not just about Spag Bol, or roast chicken or something, we're talking teriyaki or thai fishcakes or green curry paste, or that Japanese favourite I'm going to try out tomorrow - Chicken Katsu Curry.

No, there's no cat in it. It's basically chicken nuggets served with sticky rice and a sweet curry sauce. How many people would never eat that outside of a restaurant?

As I mentioned Spag Bol, I'd just like to point out that a top italian TV chef once made my exact Spag Bol recipe on TV. To be honest, it really couldn't be easier though:

Dry fry (no oil in the frying pan) loads of good mince, drain off the fat, add a tin of tomatoes, fresh garlic, basil and fresh ground black pepper (white pepper is shit, avoid it) and leave it to reduce to a thick sauce. I like shoving a big dollop of tomato paste in (not ketchup) after it's stopped cooking. Thickens the sauce a treat and gives it a really fresh taste. Knocks the crap out of anything I've had out of a jar and you only have one pan to wash up. Now, anyone can do that, right?

Well, I reckon anyone can make any of the stuff I've been cooking lately. But for some reason, people have been going nuts about it. For example, when Charlie completed her Aromatherapy course, they decided to have a little party on their last day, so everyone had to bring some food in. I decided to provide pizzas and garlic bread. Only thing was that there were more vegetarians than meat eaters, so instead of buying a few slives of pepperoni and shoving it on some chopped up french bread with ketchup and cheese, I got a green and yellow pepper, chopped them up all tiny, shoved them on some halved part-baked finger rolls with garlic, spring onion, cherry tomatoes and olive oil. Fair enough, piece of piss, knocked twenty of them out in 45 minutes, job done.

Charlie came home that night with a page full of requests for more! Well chuffed, me.

The kebabs yesterday - thai marinade (coconut milk, lemongrass, garlic, fish sauce), tons of chicken soaking it up for a couple of hours, mushrooms, pineapple, chunks of green pepper, skewer the lot, stick it in the oven, burn yourself removing red hot metal skewers from said oven, get mega compliments and a demand for a load more to take to friends house tomorrow night!

Well, I reckon anyone can do that, but they keep telling me no-one would bother. But it's piss easy, I say. Yeah, for you who's got the knack, they say. Well, everyone goes hungry if I don't, I say. Ah shuddup, you know you're a good cook, they say. Shucks, I say.

And all this because we're on a diet.

Not quite right really...

A bloke who posed as a teacher to make over 10,000 obscene phone calls to children aged between five and thirteen and earned himself the title "Britain's worst paedophile" has been jailed for three years.

Not even a day for each call he made. Seems a little lenient to me, to be honest.

I wonder how the children and their families feel about it.

The Odd Couple remade...?

Doctor Who and Boba Fett are to team up to play two grumpy old men on midafternoon soap "Doctors".

Odder combinations, anyone?

State of the Empire...

This was delayed because I wanted to type it with the new keyboard. Not having to go back and forcibly insert spaces inbetween every single word is wonderful!

Now, I know that there have been far superior appraisals of Bush's State of the Union speech, but they haven't been my words, and as this is my forum to speak about what I want, I'm going to have my say on this load of old bollocks, so there:

"The only way to protect our people - the only way to secure the peace - the only way to control our destiny is by our leadership - so the United States of America will continue to lead."

I've said it before and I'll say it again. With leadership comes responsibility and a duty of care to the rest of the world. America does not show this. I see this statement as proof positive that the US has dropped the banner of being a global police force and will now openly practise aggressive Imperialism.

"Abroad, our nation is committed to a historic, long-term goal - we seek the end of tyranny in our world. Some dismiss that goal as misguided idealism. In reality, the future security of America depends on it."

What about the security of other contries? I realise this is one vast exercise in propaganda and national backslapping, but he's only just said that America leads the world. If that's the case, then they must provide security - and say so, loudly - for the rest of the world, too.

Oh yes, and whose definition of tyranny are they using?

"Dictatorships shelter terrorists, feed resentment and radicalism, and seek weapons of mass destruction."

Excuse me, but doesn't the US do that too? Well, yes they do!

"At the start of 2006, more than half the people of our world live in democratic nations. And we do not forget the other half - in places like Syria, Burma, Zimbabwe, North Korea, and Iran - because the demands of justice, and the peace of this world, require their freedom as well."

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you our next five States.

"They seek to impose a heartless system of totalitarian control throughout the Middle East, and arm themselves with weapons of mass murder. Their aim is to seize power in Iraq, and use it as a safe haven to launch attacks against America and the world."

Again, isn't that what America's trying to do, too? To provide a safe haven from which to launch attacks against...erm...who's left? Oh yeah, China.

"Lacking the military strength to challenge us directly, the terrorists have chosen the weapon of fear. When they murder children at a school in Beslan - or blow up commuters in London - or behead a bound captive - the terrorists hope these horrors will break our will, allowing the violent to inherit the Earth. But they have miscalculated: We love our freedom, and we will fight to keep it."

This is a fascinating passage. Isn't it standard military strategy to wage a guerrilla war against an overwhelming enemy? Now, quite apart from the abominable atrocities, how exactly is anyone supposed to stand up against the US, if not through such tactics? Are we supposed to imagine that the US would be magnanimous when negotiating under a flag of truce? They have pledged to rid the world of radical Islam. What if radical Islam forbore from blowing the Capitalist pigs up and simply stuck to ruling a handful of willing countries? What they see as religious justice - shariah law and soforth - the US tends to see as oppression and "human rights violations". To my mind, that brooks no compromise. I can't see a situation where the US would ever negotiate peace with these people, which means of course that the "war on terror" will just carry on and on and on and on and...

"America rejects the false comfort of isolationism. We are the Nation that saved liberty in Europe, and liberated death camps, and helped raise up democracies, and faced down an evil empire. Once again, we accept the call of history to deliver the oppressed, and move this world toward peace."

Fuck off! Fuck right off and take your insulting revisionist bullshit with you. There are monuments, mass graves and memorials all over this city, all over Belgium, all over Germany, all over Europe which tell the story of how the peoples of those countries fought and died in the name of their own liberty! In one sentence, Bush has denigrated and undermined the noble deaths of millions of non-Americans.

That is the single most disgusting thing I've heard come out of his mouth.

And George? Not everyone who rejects the American way of life is oppressed. some of us are simply far more civilised.

"The road of victory is the road that will take our troops home."

Um, haven't you just said that you wouldn't retreat to your own borders? Doesn't that mean that there will be troops that will never come "home"? Well, there's a fair few who definitely won't. But hey, they're the honoured dead, aren't they? We should be proud they died in the glorious name of the American Empire...oh sorry, I mean "Democracy".

"Along the way, we have benefited from responsible criticism and counsel offered by Members of Congress of both parties. In the coming year, I will continue to reach out and seek your good advice."

Don't. Make. Me. Laugh.

"A sudden withdrawal of our forces from Iraq would abandon our Iraqi allies to death and prison - put men like Bin Laden and [Abu Musab] al-Zarqawi in charge of a strategic country - and show that a pledge from America means little."

Strategic? Strategic for what? You're not facing any palpable threat from anyone in the general neighbourhood, are you? Russian republics that spend all their time fighting within themselves? The indian subcontinent which is pretty much doing the same thing? The only strategic strength Iraq has is as a doorway into other middle eastern countries. Other...oil rich...middle eastern countries. But they're not there to sieze the oil, are they? So why mention Iraq's strategic strength?

"Democracies in the Middle East will not look like our own, because they will reflect the traditions of their own citizens."

Thank fuck for that. Imagine a world dominated by American values and politics. Jeez. Of course, I don't believe it for a second.

"The Iranian government is defying the world with its nuclear ambitions - and the nations of the world must not permit the Iranian regime to gain nuclear weapons.

Defying the world? I don't think so. By the way, if no-one is going to be allowed nuclear technology in the middle east, what are they going to use for power and fuel once their oil runs out? Just wondering, like. Solar energy? Hydro? Wind power?

Here's a thought, why not just abandon everywhere from Egypt to India and move them all to America. There's a plan!

"We show compassion abroad because Americans believe in the God-given dignity and worth of a villager with HIV/Aids, or an infant with malaria, or a refugee fleeing genocide, or a young girl sold into slavery. We also show compassion abroad because regions overwhelmed by poverty, corruption, and despair are sources of terrorism, organized crime, human trafficking, and the drug trade."

Like bollocks you do. The American state does next to nothing in all of these categories. They rely instead on private donations or broker deals that bankrupt the countries in question. That's when they're not encouaging the situation in order to profit from the lucratve trade opportunities.

"In recent years, you and I have taken unprecedented action to fight Aids and malaria, expand the education of girls, and reward developing nations that are moving forward with economic and political reform."

Much as I hate to admit it, Bill Gates has done more than you, George.

"Our own generation is in a long war against a determined enemy - a war that will be fought by Presidents of both parties, who will need steady bipartisan support from the Congress."

Or in other words - "I've only got three years left before they put me out to graze and I'm going to take every opportunity to ensure the next guy can't back out of it without looking like a cowardly idiot"

"Here at home, America also has a great opportunity: We will build the prosperity of our country by strengthening our economic leadership in the world. Our economy is healthy, and vigorous, and growing faster than other major industrialized nations."

I thought the American economy was almost in recession. If the economy is so healthy, how come almost every other foreign currency keeps doing better and better against the dollar?

I'm skipping ahead a bit now - missing out all the boring "we're all getting older" bollocks.

"Keeping America competitive requires affordable energy. Here we have a serious problem: America is addicted to oil, which is often imported from unstable parts of the world. The best way to break this addiction is through technology.

So tonight, I announce the Advanced Energy Initiative...to push for breakthroughs in two vital areas."

So the reason for this Initiative isn't because the oil's about to run out, it's because you take it from the Middle East and you don't want to be held to ransom. I see!

But...if you occupied and dictated the political agenda the Middle East, you wouldn't have to worry about it, would you?

" By applying the talent and technology of America, this country can...make our dependence on Middle Eastern oil a thing of the past."

Because soon Middle Eastern oil will be a thing of the past.

And how about sharing some of that clean, safe nuclear energy with the Middle East, then they wouldn't have to keep pissing about with the dirty, unsafe stuff you guys don't like, would they?

Waddya mean they'd just make bombs out of it? why would they want to bomb someone who's helping them overcome a national crisis?

"As we look at these challenges, we must never give in to the belief that America is in decline, or that our culture is doomed to unravel. The American people know better than that."

Do you? Speak up, America. Is your society unravelling or not? What we see over the pond is that it's already well and truly fucked.

OK, never give in to the belief that you're in decline. What about the fact? Oh, I see. If you don't stop believing it, it won't happen. Oh, Ohkayyy.

"We will renew the defining moral commitments of this land. And so we move forward - optimistic about our country, faithful to its cause, and confident of victories to come."

And absolutely determined to swep anyone who doesn't agree with us out of the way.

" Thank you, God bless you, and may God bless America."

Oh, I think it's increasingly obvious that God has, in fact, damned you Georgey boy.

If he hasn't, he bloody well should.

New keyboard purchased...

God, that's better. I can touchtype again!

Anyway, watch this space for a long delayed diatribe on Bush's State of the Empire address.

Until then, I have some thawing out to do. Fuck me it's cold!

Haha! Ahahaha! Tee hee! Gotcha....

Who remembers this travesty of justice - the Police Officer who had his 159MPH speeding offence dismissed on the grounds that he was familiarising himself with the car.

Well, it turns out that the High Court feels the same way as I did at the time. The case has been referred back to the Magistrates'Court, with a note to the effect that the original Magistrate took inadmissable evidence into account, such as the opinion of other Police officers.

I'm still giggling now.

And you thought you'd got away with it.

Tee hee hee!

Oh, by the way...

I haven't shown you my happy, hardworking little MP3 player yet, have I?

Have a pic:



Clicking on the pic takes you to the Pricerunner information page.

It's true that it's not one of those monster hard drive models, it hasn't even got an alphanumeric display, but it does have a SDCard slot and some nice presets. It also connects to the PC as a portable hard drive and doesn't require any proprietary software, or specific drivers like other players do, so what I have, potentially, is not just a music player, but a portable, bootable hard drive - which will come in very handy in the future.

To get more than two albums on there, I have to re-encode the music down to 64kbps, which is easy with Musicmatch Jukebox that came with the player, and if I encode the tracks using mp3PRO, I can't really tell the difference.

At the end of the day it's a bog standard upgrade from the cassette and CD walkmans I've had up to now, necessary because we don't have a tape recorder in the house for me to make compilation tapes up, and I'm damned if I'm ripping loads of cd's every time I want to listen to something on a bulky, battery guzzling CD walkman.

Fact is, the vast majority of my music collection is on the PC and it's so startlingly easy to plug the player in and transfer the three or four hours of music I want that day that I don't see any particular need to fork out hundreds of pounds on an eminently nickable fashion accessory that would actually restrict what I could do with it *cough* iPod *cough*

***

Speaking of things Apple, I popped into the Apple store in the Bullring yesterday and had a play with a nice G5 attached to a 30" widescreen plasma monitor.

Want one!

Is it me...

Or is this getting exceptionally odd?

Wha?

It's February!

How the crap did that happen?

Another year's going way too fast.

I think we need some space...

Mykeyboard'sfucked. Cananyone tellwhat button onlyworks sporadically?

That's right, thenumberpad'suptheswanny.

So, thisfriday,I'mofftoDixon'sbecausethey'vegota rather flashsilver oneforseven quid. Bargain.

Tillthen,Ipromisethisisthe only postIwon'tcorrect.