Thursday, February 23, 2006

Just another bombsite...

Click here for more pics
Yeah, just another ruined part of Iraq. Another small step on the road to annhiliation and devastation.

Only problem is, it used to look like this:
Grauniad article on the impending Iraqi civil war
One of the most holy Shi'ite mosques. Which means that this bombsite will be the catalyst for civil war. Which means the foreign troops will have to stay longer. Which means the fighting will get worse.

I've said it about Palestine and I'm going to say it about Iraq. Why not just get the fuck outta dodge and let them slug it out? Then we can applaud the victors and congratulate them over the vast pile of rubble they've managed to conquer.

Current mood? Despondent.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

News roundup...

Some idiot let Ian Brady loose with the crayons. Imagine getting a letter from the man who tortured, abused and murdered your son, being told that he knows where the body you've been bereft of for forty years is located. Can't? Neither can I.

Apparently we live in the best country in the world. Even more apparently, we're the most boring people in the world. Anyone get the feeling we're wasting this wonderful country? Johnny Foreigner thinks so. They also think that the French are the rudest and the Americans are the most ignorant. Sounds about right to me.

Wembley won't be ready for the FA Cup. I couldn't be happier. Birmingham was robbed of its chance to host the new national stadium and since then the construction of Wembley has been a long tale of excess, corruption and incompetence. Here's a question - will it ever be ready?

And on a lighter note...

What can you say?

I've read what others have posted about this, I've read a couple of articles. The reactions I've seen have ranged from plain loopy to scarily idiotic to reasoned and logical.

The only thing I can give you is my honest reaction.

Good.

People like David Irving are the most dangerous people on the planet. We owe it to the people that died to remember why the Holocaust happened. Only by accepting and remembering what happened and why can we ever hope to stop it happening again, and it must never be allowed to happen again. The Holocaust must never be denied.

** Update **

Anyone else noticed the startling similarity between our favourite revisionist historian and former Thatcherite diarist Alan Clark?

Sunday, February 19, 2006

I tellya...

If half term lasted a day longer, you'd be dredging the canal for the little darlings.

And Charlie just came up with a rather inventive putdown:

"She's such a slag, she'd fuck a bottle of bees"

Remind me to tell yu about the subject of that particular putdown one day...

Fuckitty fuck...

I was playing with one of my other blogs and killed the template on this blog by mistake when Firefox crashed on me.

So I've taken the opportunity to try out a new template.

I think it looks terribly cluttered, but I'm going to have a play with a couple of things and see if I can't get them looking a bit better.

Added to that, my hits haven't recovered from my enforced server change yet, and I suspect I'm talkng to exactly no-one, but as I've deleted the old site, hopefully people will drift back again soon.

If you have just drifted back, could you think about leaving a comment please - that's if the comment system's working...

Friday, February 17, 2006

Fixed...but...

Well, my web hosting is fixed, but y'know what - I'm going to stay on Blogger's servers until I've found a host that's not going to forget I've paid them.

Tsk.

Oops...

There's something wrong with my web hosting provider, so for the time being, I'm back on Blogger's hosting.

Ah well, these things are sent to test us.

You'll need to reset your RSS feed again, I'm afraid.

Just a quick question, Mr Bush...

If you've got more weapons than anyone else ever, what
do you need more for?

Succinct, ain't it?

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Ever feel like just chucking everything up in the air and screaming "I don't give a fuck!"?

Well, if you do, join the club.

Time for bed.

Sproing.

Why do we kid ourselves...?

Do we celebrate Christmas by thanking God for the birth of His Son or do we buy shitloads of presents and decorate a tree?

Do we celebrate Easter by giving thanks for the resurrecton of Christ or by surrounding ourselves with bunnies and eggs?

What exactly is the Christian precedent for celebrating the gathering in of the Harvest?

What Saint's day is celebrated around 20th - 25th June?

What are we celebrating on Hallowe'en? Do we remember the lives of all the various saints who don't have their own day, or do we celebrate the day on which the physical and spirit worlds come together?

Why do we have a day off on Mayday?

The plain fact is that none of these festival days would have been celebrated in Jesus' day, or during the lifetime of the first few generations of Christians.

Through the centuries, various inheritors of the faith have sought to integrate...let's say "Indigenous religions" into their traditions. The forms of worship we have today bear little or no resemblance to what is mapped out as the way to Heaven in the Bible. In short, they're all fucked and they don't know it.

That is ironic, Alanis.

So why on earth do we get all bent out of shape about how terribly unChristian everything's become? I keep seeing words like "supposed to" and "should be" and "expect", but why should we? The UK is now the most secular country in the world. We have the lowest number of Church attendees and the least reliance on what's supposed to be the State religion of any time throughout our history.

The most cursory investigation will reveal the fact that every single significant day in the Christian calendar coincides with an equally significant day in many different Pagan traditions. That same cursory investigation will reveal that it's no accident.

It's time to start acknowledgeing the true roots of these festivals and celebrations and ignoring the cynical, ultimately futile attempts of the church to muscle in on everyone elses act.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Excellent...!

I've just discovered that Flickr has a WAP portal, which includes a photo upload page.

Now, for people like me who are on Virginmobile (who conveniently decided some months ago to do away with their text-to-email server) this is a godsend. I can finally MoBlog properly!

Expect some more pics to make their way onto this page over the next few days...

Right, so...

I am 42 percent fat. Can't tell you how happy I am about that.

So I celebrated with a curry. Not sure I've got the idea of this diet thing just yet.

I jest, of course. The curry was another Katsu - now being saved for special occasions - and all the ingredients (apart from rice and potato) are within the remit of my diet plan, so I've almost stuck to the rules.

Because I can't see a way of cutting down the cooking time working from scratch, I've made up a litre of curry sauce to freeze down and use next time, so now I just need to boil up some potato and carrot and make some fried chicken up. The fridge looks even more impressive now, as I have little tubs of home made vinaigrette and curry sauce all over the place.

Vinaigrette? Yeah. Olive oil, white wine vinegar, juice of half a lime, clove of garlic, chunk of ginger. Tangy, fresh and sweet. Simple and effective. Beats most of the ones I've bought from the shops, I can tell you.

Anyway, Charlie's bogged off to the pool to swim off her curry and I'm settling in for a dose of Holby and "24".

Sigh...and relax...

Soon, my pretty...soon...

The Blueyonder page where customers are notified of impending speed increases has finally been updated. Since November, it's read "To Be Announced" in the "To be completed by" column. Now, it says "End of March".

Fucking long time to wait for something I thought I was getting a month after I signed up for it.

Love me tender...

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I wanted to write something nice
But I'm crap at poetry


I do try not to be a world weary, cynical sod sometimes, really i do.

We've been together nine years this year and our Valentines night will consist of swimming, TV and curry. Oh yes, it's a comfy, smug married Valentines for us this year.

I bought her a skipping rope with a calorie counter on it, she got me a handheld fat monitor. Romance.

Gotta go, I have some screaming kids to terrorise.

Monday, February 13, 2006

It's the Tony and Gordon show...!

So now we have two Prime Ministers.

Anyone else think Tony will be gone by Christmas? And if he is, what on earth do we make of Gordon? He's been waiting patiently since the late 90's. If he fucks things up, he'll be villified to an extent that'll make Tony look like Mother Theresa.

I dunno. This year should be very interesting, though. It'll be fascinating to watch the transfer of power.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Bits and pieces...

I've been banging on about Lord of the Rings in Mark's comment boxes, following a couple of posts about movie trilogies.

A couple of things have got me thinking.

Firstly, all lists are subjective. We all like different things and when you start asking "What's the best...?", you get all kinds of answers - none of which could be guaranteed to agree with your ideas. I personally like hearing other people's opinions. If it weren't for them, I would never have discovered Firefly, or my most recent music purchases. Anyway, I really don't understand it when people start saying "Tsk, you can't have that choice because I don't like it". Well, I do, but I reject the kind of snobbery and egocentricity that makes people say it. My choices are as valid as anyone elses, and the fact that I don't spend most of my time in a fantasy world of paranoid print and celluloid anasthesia doesn't mean I don't have the capacity to pick a favourite movie.

That aside, the plain fact is that I don't dig horror movies, and I find most sci-fi/fantasy movies rehashed hokum.

"But Why?" I don't hear you cry...

It's not some stupid reason like horror movies scare me - I've never watched one that scared me - it's just that watching people get variously eviscerated using very bad special effects - or even decent effects - leaves me cold. I've watched all the Elm Street films, all the Hellraiser films, The Exorcist and others and none of them - apart from maybe Candyman and Event Horizon - have impressed me at all. They bore me. I can't suspend my disbelief enough to enjoy watching all the pretend blood and gore. Instead, I laugh at how ludicrous it all is.

So that's Horror dealt with.

Why do I, a sci-fi fan, not like a lot of modern sci-fi?

Y'know, I've been reading sci-fi for almost as long as I could read. Age seven, I was bought my first edition of 2000ad. Fourteen years later, I was still reading it. For the whole of my childhood, I lapped up the cutting edge of british science fiction. So when stuff like Universal Soldier, Minority Report, Fifth Element, AI, The Matrix came along, all I could think is: "This is crap". Why? Because I'd had this - and things much better than this - at my fingertips for decades. What it boils down to is this: My imagination is better than what's on the screen. I sit through it and wonder why they didn't do this or that to progress the story more, or make it more exciting, or inspiring. They hype these movies beyond belief, build up the promise of an unmissable experience but ultimately do not deliver.

Look at the movies I do like:

Serenity - hyped as a continuation of the TV series. It delivered. I like.

Lord of the Rings - Promised a faithful interpretation of the books by a lifelong fan. It delivered - although with caveats.

There's others, but you get the point. Promise the heavens and earth, then not deliver and you'll lose my patronage.

Friday, February 10, 2006

What's on my mind this morning?

1) It is FUCKING cold and the radiators aren't working!

2) Now, this makes more sense! Didn't we all know it, really?

3) This, however, is turning out to be just as sick and incomprehensible.

4) So, the US has started justifying its actions by spilling the beans of an attack that was foiled four years ago. Tell me this - how do we know this attack was going to take place? How do we know someone hasn't constructed the event in order to justify Bush's witch hunts?

5) So let's get this straight - in a city you have to PAY to drive around, and then not more than ten miles an hour on average, 4x4's are the car of choice. Idiotic.

'M off to do some shopping. Later alligator.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Have you seen this man...?

Wanted for burgling a pub in Norfolk on Friday.

According to the licensee of the pub, "He didn't look that odd"

Why do I do it...?

Not-so shamelessly nicked from The Extraordinary One

1. First blog you ever read?
That would be Mark or Graham's. At the time, Graham ran a Yahoo group where he, his bro and a select number of friends would post their views on whatever occurred, much like their blog content - only I think Mark was angrier then. When we all discovered blogger, that group kinda died.

2. What inspired you to start your own?
See above!

3.The best and worst about blogging?
Best - Having a soapbox upon which to stand that no-one can knock you off. Oh, and finally keeping a diary going for more than two days...and getting feedback on what I write. Can't top that!
Worst - Changing servers and losing 90% of your traffic and a top rating on Google.

4. Who was the first person to comment on your blog?
Blimey, who knows? Lost in the mists of time, that one.

5. What has been your most popular blog entry?
I got mega hits when I linked to a video of "Show me the way to amarillo" done by a british soldier in Iraq. Also, the post where I commented on an episode of "24" that was dedicated to a recently killed American Marine.

6. If I re-named my blog I would call it?
I think I've renamed it often enough now.

7. If my blog had a theme song it would be?
Gawd...maybe the Wonderstuff song that goes "These words are not my own, they only come when I'm alone"

8. If my blog was a room it would look like?
A comfy sofa in a cluttered living room.

9. Five bloggers I would like to have over for dinner.
Oh, there's far more than five...

10. Two bloggers you would like to set up on a blind date.
Lord Bargain and...oh, someone nice, with no emotional hangups and shit.

11. Somebody I wish had a blog?
Tony Blair, George Bush, Osama Bin Laden.

12. If you were only allowed to read one blog ever again. Which blog would it be?
What? And alienate my other reader? No chance!

13. Is there a fellow blogger you would like to snog/shag/do rude things to? Feel free to name names if you’re game.
I refuse to answer this on the grounds that my words would be used to publicly castrate me shortly after the missus reads them.

14. Discover a blog. Link to a blog that you have recently found, or a blog you have been reading for a while and haven’t blogrolled.
I have yet to add Ditch Monkey and Wanderingscribe to my blogroll - which may be making a return to this hallowed page sometime in the near future (or whenever I can remember my blogrolling account details).

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Bloody gorgeous...



Those are home made nuggets, by the way. More child friendly than dep frying a whole breast in one go. The image quality is shit because there was only time to grab my camera phone before the curry was devoured by a virtually evangelical Charlie.

I'm under orders to cook it every day for a month now. I think she likes it!

To compare my effort with the experts, here's a link to a Google image search for "Chicken Katsu Curry".

Fuck me...

That Katsu smells nice!

Pics to follow when it's dished up.

Drool, my minions, drool! Mwahahaha!

Moving...

No, not me. I paid for this bloody URL and I'm not leaving it now. And although we're growign increasingly bored and claustrophobic in this house, we're staying put physically, too.

No, what's moving is a guest entry on a blog I found through this post at Swiss Toni's place.

Now I've only been a guest contributor once - and that was two weeks ago, but I've seen many a foray and read many a group blog, but this post fairly blew me away. I truly believe you'll never find a better, more poignant, more moving guest entry in the whole of blogland.

Please read it.

Wow.

Monday, February 06, 2006

Culinary inspiration

For those who haven't noticed the subtle change, I've opened another blog where I can put all my kitchen related shit.

There's not much over there at the mo, but it'll fill up rapidly, I think.

Kitchen capers...

Feeling a bit listless at the moment. Yes, it probably is the fact that it's almost three am, but there you go.

So anyway, these last couple of days I've had a bit of an experimental thing going on in the kitchen. Yesterday I made a thai marinade and did chicken kebabs, today I found a recipe which looks a bit yicky, but is apparently one of Japan's favourite dishes which I realised I only need ketchup and a big sieve before I can attempt it.

Y'see, I'm quite proud of my collection of herbs and spices. There's a whole cupboard given over to them - turmeric, basil, chives, lemon grass, fish sauce, three different kinds of oil, two different types of chilli, worcester sauce, tons of garlic...you name it, it's in there.

The revelation I've had, though, is to watch a cookery programme and to be able to say "Oh, that looks easy, I'll knock that up tomorrow" - and not just about Spag Bol, or roast chicken or something, we're talking teriyaki or thai fishcakes or green curry paste, or that Japanese favourite I'm going to try out tomorrow - Chicken Katsu Curry.

No, there's no cat in it. It's basically chicken nuggets served with sticky rice and a sweet curry sauce. How many people would never eat that outside of a restaurant?

As I mentioned Spag Bol, I'd just like to point out that a top italian TV chef once made my exact Spag Bol recipe on TV. To be honest, it really couldn't be easier though:

Dry fry (no oil in the frying pan) loads of good mince, drain off the fat, add a tin of tomatoes, fresh garlic, basil and fresh ground black pepper (white pepper is shit, avoid it) and leave it to reduce to a thick sauce. I like shoving a big dollop of tomato paste in (not ketchup) after it's stopped cooking. Thickens the sauce a treat and gives it a really fresh taste. Knocks the crap out of anything I've had out of a jar and you only have one pan to wash up. Now, anyone can do that, right?

Well, I reckon anyone can make any of the stuff I've been cooking lately. But for some reason, people have been going nuts about it. For example, when Charlie completed her Aromatherapy course, they decided to have a little party on their last day, so everyone had to bring some food in. I decided to provide pizzas and garlic bread. Only thing was that there were more vegetarians than meat eaters, so instead of buying a few slives of pepperoni and shoving it on some chopped up french bread with ketchup and cheese, I got a green and yellow pepper, chopped them up all tiny, shoved them on some halved part-baked finger rolls with garlic, spring onion, cherry tomatoes and olive oil. Fair enough, piece of piss, knocked twenty of them out in 45 minutes, job done.

Charlie came home that night with a page full of requests for more! Well chuffed, me.

The kebabs yesterday - thai marinade (coconut milk, lemongrass, garlic, fish sauce), tons of chicken soaking it up for a couple of hours, mushrooms, pineapple, chunks of green pepper, skewer the lot, stick it in the oven, burn yourself removing red hot metal skewers from said oven, get mega compliments and a demand for a load more to take to friends house tomorrow night!

Well, I reckon anyone can do that, but they keep telling me no-one would bother. But it's piss easy, I say. Yeah, for you who's got the knack, they say. Well, everyone goes hungry if I don't, I say. Ah shuddup, you know you're a good cook, they say. Shucks, I say.

And all this because we're on a diet.

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Not quite right really...

A bloke who posed as a teacher to make over 10,000 obscene phone calls to children aged between five and thirteen and earned himself the title "Britain's worst paedophile" has been jailed for three years.

Not even a day for each call he made. Seems a little lenient to me, to be honest.

I wonder how the children and their families feel about it.

The Odd Couple remade...?

Doctor Who and Boba Fett are to team up to play two grumpy old men on midafternoon soap "Doctors".

Odder combinations, anyone?

Friday, February 03, 2006

State of the Empire...

This was delayed because I wanted to type it with the new keyboard. Not having to go back and forcibly insert spaces inbetween every single word is wonderful!

Now, I know that there have been far superior appraisals of Bush's State of the Union speech, but they haven't been my words, and as this is my forum to speak about what I want, I'm going to have my say on this load of old bollocks, so there:

"The only way to protect our people - the only way to secure the peace - the only way to control our destiny is by our leadership - so the United States of America will continue to lead."

I've said it before and I'll say it again. With leadership comes responsibility and a duty of care to the rest of the world. America does not show this. I see this statement as proof positive that the US has dropped the banner of being a global police force and will now openly practise aggressive Imperialism.

"Abroad, our nation is committed to a historic, long-term goal - we seek the end of tyranny in our world. Some dismiss that goal as misguided idealism. In reality, the future security of America depends on it."

What about the security of other contries? I realise this is one vast exercise in propaganda and national backslapping, but he's only just said that America leads the world. If that's the case, then they must provide security - and say so, loudly - for the rest of the world, too.

Oh yes, and whose definition of tyranny are they using?

"Dictatorships shelter terrorists, feed resentment and radicalism, and seek weapons of mass destruction."

Excuse me, but doesn't the US do that too? Well, yes they do!

"At the start of 2006, more than half the people of our world live in democratic nations. And we do not forget the other half - in places like Syria, Burma, Zimbabwe, North Korea, and Iran - because the demands of justice, and the peace of this world, require their freedom as well."

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you our next five States.

"They seek to impose a heartless system of totalitarian control throughout the Middle East, and arm themselves with weapons of mass murder. Their aim is to seize power in Iraq, and use it as a safe haven to launch attacks against America and the world."

Again, isn't that what America's trying to do, too? To provide a safe haven from which to launch attacks against...erm...who's left? Oh yeah, China.

"Lacking the military strength to challenge us directly, the terrorists have chosen the weapon of fear. When they murder children at a school in Beslan - or blow up commuters in London - or behead a bound captive - the terrorists hope these horrors will break our will, allowing the violent to inherit the Earth. But they have miscalculated: We love our freedom, and we will fight to keep it."

This is a fascinating passage. Isn't it standard military strategy to wage a guerrilla war against an overwhelming enemy? Now, quite apart from the abominable atrocities, how exactly is anyone supposed to stand up against the US, if not through such tactics? Are we supposed to imagine that the US would be magnanimous when negotiating under a flag of truce? They have pledged to rid the world of radical Islam. What if radical Islam forbore from blowing the Capitalist pigs up and simply stuck to ruling a handful of willing countries? What they see as religious justice - shariah law and soforth - the US tends to see as oppression and "human rights violations". To my mind, that brooks no compromise. I can't see a situation where the US would ever negotiate peace with these people, which means of course that the "war on terror" will just carry on and on and on and on and...

"America rejects the false comfort of isolationism. We are the Nation that saved liberty in Europe, and liberated death camps, and helped raise up democracies, and faced down an evil empire. Once again, we accept the call of history to deliver the oppressed, and move this world toward peace."

Fuck off! Fuck right off and take your insulting revisionist bullshit with you. There are monuments, mass graves and memorials all over this city, all over Belgium, all over Germany, all over Europe which tell the story of how the peoples of those countries fought and died in the name of their own liberty! In one sentence, Bush has denigrated and undermined the noble deaths of millions of non-Americans.

That is the single most disgusting thing I've heard come out of his mouth.

And George? Not everyone who rejects the American way of life is oppressed. some of us are simply far more civilised.

"The road of victory is the road that will take our troops home."

Um, haven't you just said that you wouldn't retreat to your own borders? Doesn't that mean that there will be troops that will never come "home"? Well, there's a fair few who definitely won't. But hey, they're the honoured dead, aren't they? We should be proud they died in the glorious name of the American Empire...oh sorry, I mean "Democracy".

"Along the way, we have benefited from responsible criticism and counsel offered by Members of Congress of both parties. In the coming year, I will continue to reach out and seek your good advice."

Don't. Make. Me. Laugh.

"A sudden withdrawal of our forces from Iraq would abandon our Iraqi allies to death and prison - put men like Bin Laden and [Abu Musab] al-Zarqawi in charge of a strategic country - and show that a pledge from America means little."

Strategic? Strategic for what? You're not facing any palpable threat from anyone in the general neighbourhood, are you? Russian republics that spend all their time fighting within themselves? The indian subcontinent which is pretty much doing the same thing? The only strategic strength Iraq has is as a doorway into other middle eastern countries. Other...oil rich...middle eastern countries. But they're not there to sieze the oil, are they? So why mention Iraq's strategic strength?

"Democracies in the Middle East will not look like our own, because they will reflect the traditions of their own citizens."

Thank fuck for that. Imagine a world dominated by American values and politics. Jeez. Of course, I don't believe it for a second.

"The Iranian government is defying the world with its nuclear ambitions - and the nations of the world must not permit the Iranian regime to gain nuclear weapons.

Defying the world? I don't think so. By the way, if no-one is going to be allowed nuclear technology in the middle east, what are they going to use for power and fuel once their oil runs out? Just wondering, like. Solar energy? Hydro? Wind power?

Here's a thought, why not just abandon everywhere from Egypt to India and move them all to America. There's a plan!

"We show compassion abroad because Americans believe in the God-given dignity and worth of a villager with HIV/Aids, or an infant with malaria, or a refugee fleeing genocide, or a young girl sold into slavery. We also show compassion abroad because regions overwhelmed by poverty, corruption, and despair are sources of terrorism, organized crime, human trafficking, and the drug trade."

Like bollocks you do. The American state does next to nothing in all of these categories. They rely instead on private donations or broker deals that bankrupt the countries in question. That's when they're not encouaging the situation in order to profit from the lucratve trade opportunities.

"In recent years, you and I have taken unprecedented action to fight Aids and malaria, expand the education of girls, and reward developing nations that are moving forward with economic and political reform."

Much as I hate to admit it, Bill Gates has done more than you, George.

"Our own generation is in a long war against a determined enemy - a war that will be fought by Presidents of both parties, who will need steady bipartisan support from the Congress."

Or in other words - "I've only got three years left before they put me out to graze and I'm going to take every opportunity to ensure the next guy can't back out of it without looking like a cowardly idiot"

"Here at home, America also has a great opportunity: We will build the prosperity of our country by strengthening our economic leadership in the world. Our economy is healthy, and vigorous, and growing faster than other major industrialized nations."

I thought the American economy was almost in recession. If the economy is so healthy, how come almost every other foreign currency keeps doing better and better against the dollar?

I'm skipping ahead a bit now - missing out all the boring "we're all getting older" bollocks.

"Keeping America competitive requires affordable energy. Here we have a serious problem: America is addicted to oil, which is often imported from unstable parts of the world. The best way to break this addiction is through technology.

So tonight, I announce the Advanced Energy Initiative...to push for breakthroughs in two vital areas."


So the reason for this Initiative isn't because the oil's about to run out, it's because you take it from the Middle East and you don't want to be held to ransom. I see!

But...if you occupied and dictated the political agenda the Middle East, you wouldn't have to worry about it, would you?

" By applying the talent and technology of America, this country can...make our dependence on Middle Eastern oil a thing of the past."

Because soon Middle Eastern oil will be a thing of the past.

And how about sharing some of that clean, safe nuclear energy with the Middle East, then they wouldn't have to keep pissing about with the dirty, unsafe stuff you guys don't like, would they?

Waddya mean they'd just make bombs out of it? why would they want to bomb someone who's helping them overcome a national crisis?

"As we look at these challenges, we must never give in to the belief that America is in decline, or that our culture is doomed to unravel. The American people know better than that."

Do you? Speak up, America. Is your society unravelling or not? What we see over the pond is that it's already well and truly fucked.

OK, never give in to the belief that you're in decline. What about the fact? Oh, I see. If you don't stop believing it, it won't happen. Oh, Ohkayyy.

"We will renew the defining moral commitments of this land. And so we move forward - optimistic about our country, faithful to its cause, and confident of victories to come."

And absolutely determined to swep anyone who doesn't agree with us out of the way.

" Thank you, God bless you, and may God bless America."

Oh, I think it's increasingly obvious that God has, in fact, damned you Georgey boy.

If he hasn't, he bloody well should.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

New keyboard purchased...

God, that's better. I can touchtype again!

Anyway, watch this space for a long delayed diatribe on Bush's State of the Empire address.

Until then, I have some thawing out to do. Fuck me it's cold!

Haha! Ahahaha! Tee hee! Gotcha....

Who remembers this travesty of justice - the Police Officer who had his 159MPH speeding offence dismissed on the grounds that he was familiarising himself with the car.

Well, it turns out that the High Court feels the same way as I did at the time. The case has been referred back to the Magistrates'Court, with a note to the effect that the original Magistrate took inadmissable evidence into account, such as the opinion of other Police officers.

I'm still giggling now.

And you thought you'd got away with it.

Tee hee hee!

Oh, by the way...

I haven't shown you my happy, hardworking little MP3 player yet, have I?

Have a pic:



Clicking on the pic takes you to the Pricerunner information page.

It's true that it's not one of those monster hard drive models, it hasn't even got an alphanumeric display, but it does have a SDCard slot and some nice presets. It also connects to the PC as a portable hard drive and doesn't require any proprietary software, or specific drivers like other players do, so what I have, potentially, is not just a music player, but a portable, bootable hard drive - which will come in very handy in the future.

To get more than two albums on there, I have to re-encode the music down to 64kbps, which is easy with Musicmatch Jukebox that came with the player, and if I encode the tracks using mp3PRO, I can't really tell the difference.

At the end of the day it's a bog standard upgrade from the cassette and CD walkmans I've had up to now, necessary because we don't have a tape recorder in the house for me to make compilation tapes up, and I'm damned if I'm ripping loads of cd's every time I want to listen to something on a bulky, battery guzzling CD walkman.

Fact is, the vast majority of my music collection is on the PC and it's so startlingly easy to plug the player in and transfer the three or four hours of music I want that day that I don't see any particular need to fork out hundreds of pounds on an eminently nickable fashion accessory that would actually restrict what I could do with it *cough* iPod *cough*

***

Speaking of things Apple, I popped into the Apple store in the Bullring yesterday and had a play with a nice G5 attached to a 30" widescreen plasma monitor.

Want one!

Is it me...

Or is this getting exceptionally odd?

Wha?

It's February!

How the crap did that happen?

Another year's going way too fast.

I think we need some space...

Mykeyboard'sfucked. Cananyone tellwhat button onlyworks sporadically?

That's right, thenumberpad'suptheswanny.

So, thisfriday,I'mofftoDixon'sbecausethey'vegota rather flashsilver oneforseven quid. Bargain.

Tillthen,Ipromisethisisthe only postIwon'tcorrect.

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

It's amateur review time again...

Long-time readers (of which there are certainly three) will recall my shortlived attempts to review a number of chart-topping albums some time back. Well, it just so happens that I've been frittering some of my extra cash on a few more, so here goes again:

First up is the record breaker. Was I one of those 363,735 people who got this album in it's first week of release? God knows. I just popped in and picked it up as I'd heard the buzz. So far it's come round twice on my player and it's kinda growing on me. Can't for the life of me work out why it's gone ballistic like it has, but there's some good, funny, catchy tunes on the album: "Mardy Bum" has to be my favourite. And you have to give some kudos to someone who rhymes "ford Mondeo" and "Say Owt'".

The Editors.

Well.

I thought I'd heard this before, but I couldn't find my Menswear album, so I can't say for sure. The first time this came round on the player,I managed three tracks before skipping to the next album. Samey, miserable old hat. I want my fiver back.

Ordinary Boys are seeing the fruits of their lead singers' efforts to pull Paris Travelodge in the Big Brother house.

Fair play to them, but you can read what you like into the fact that I couldn't tell when the Hard-fi album finished and this one started. Guitary, poppy, nothing special. It's the kind of thing I like, but it's not gonna shake the world really, is it?

Usually, I'm not drawn to this kind of thing, but to be honest the singer intrigues me. I like the breathy style she uses, and her elegant look is a refreshing change. Of course I like "Ooh la la", and there's maybe another couple of decent tracks on the album, but I don't think it'll last too long before going into storage, really.



See Ordinary Boys. Much the same fare, really. Inoffensive jangly stuff.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Auricular Vermitude

For your listening pleasure, those Earworms are now happily residing at Swiss Toni's place. Thanks Swiss! Bad news about your tickets, that's bang out of order!

And now folks, as my day started at 5am with a little girl that wouldn't go back to sleep and has so far continued to include much shouting and a burned pizza that seems to have much more symbolic importance than I ever imagined bacon, cheese, tomato and mushroom on bread could ever posess, I shall bid you adieu and bon nuit.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Sorry, had nothing useful to say lately...

Oh freddled gruntbuggly,
Thy micturations are to me
As plurdled gabbleblotchits
On a lurgid bee
That mordiously hath bitled out
Its earted jurtles
Into a rancid festering
Now the jurpling slayjid agrocrustles
Are slurping hagrilly up the axlegrurts
And living glupules frart and slipulate
Like jowling meated liverslime
Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes
And hooptiously drangle me
With crinkly bindlewurdles,
Or else I shall rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon
See if I don't.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Dammit...dammit!

Why can't the UK and US air Battlestar Galactica at the same time, like they did with the first season??

If they did, I could bemoan the hideously executed supreme Shark Jumping event I've just witnessed!

Aargh! Why?!

Now I've got to watch the latest episode all over again with the commentary synched in so that I can wait to hear whatever lame-ass reason Ron Moore's got for not doing what he damn well should have done!

Aiko Aiko ay-yay...

As those of you who read my comments will know, I've been asked by Swiss Toni to contribute my selections to his compelling Earworms collection.

Well, I just emailed my finished column to him. God only knows how I'm supposed to follow Graham's impassioned contribution, but hopefully you'll find some interesting and surprising tunes on my list, which I think will be published on Friday...or at least, some time next week...

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Speeeeed...

I just phoned Telewest and pointed out how we'd dumped our 2Mb ADSL in October on the promise of an upgrade that hasn't happened to this day.

After calmly pointing out that I was feeling cheated, frustrated, kept in the dark and other choice negativities, I was put on hold.

When the Customer service bod came back to me, he offered a free temporary upgrade, with the potential systemwide upgrade due any day now, it means that for a while we may have 10Mb broadband for £15 per month.

Now that's what I call a result!

What's on my mind tonight?

Firstly, the fifth season of Kiefer Sutherland's show 24 started with a bang last night. And I have to admit to being just a mite underwhelmed. With each successive season the writers are relying on larger and more spectacular hooks to bring us into the show, stretching the "real time" structure of the show to its limits. Unfortunately, this time they've stretched that limit a little too far. It's going to be a couple of months beforeanyone over here gets to seethe series over here, so I won't go into specifics, but it's almost impossible to imagine that the events so far fit comfortably into the timeframe available. It shouldn't be a shock toanyone that watched season 4's final episode that this season appears to be focussing on yet another bad guy pulling out all the stops to get to Sutherland's character, Jack Bauer. But I fail to see why this invariably has to include trying to bring down the government. Once, I could accept - in season 3 a former colleague of Bauer's is recruited by an anti-american terror cell and he uses their influence to track down Bauer, via his friend, the President - but now someone else is seeming to do the same thing. Too much. I'm going to keepon watching, but it'd betterget a little more on track and back to the well plotted sequences we saw upto season 3. As an aside, Manny Coto, the man who nearly saved Startrek Enterprise is now an executive producer, so we'll see how things pan out with some pedigree new blood onboard.

Second, time for a bit of nostalgia. Eagle eyed bloggers and newshounds may recall some discussion last month about how America defines the word "torture" - now when the stories broke about how prisoners were being shipped to other countries, for whatever reason, the newswires went a bit mad...

But to this old hippie there was no sense of surprise. Instead, a sense of deja vu. Look at this article from New Years' Eve '04 that I linked to in this post just two days later. Told you it'd be worth keeping an eye on, didn't I?

And finally - I've been reloading my MP3 player after getting bored of having Sgt Pepper, Rubber Soul, Revolver and the White Album on there. I've gone for a completely different soundtrack. Now I have half of the first phase of the Hitch Hikers' Guide to the Galaxy radio series, a select few episodes of the Goon Show, including one whose title may spark a little bit of interest in a couple of my readers - an episode entitled "Ned's Atomic Dustbin" - and an episode of "The Navy Lark" which featured some grand old names such as Jon Pertwee, Leslie Philips and a very young but utterly unmistakable Ronnie Barker. A bit of class for my bus hopping adventures.

That's all for now. Fuck me it's late.

I am a leaf on the wind, see me soar...

There's a bit of non-religious fervor happening in various places around the blogosphere.

I'd spout on, but I've got two episodes of "24" to watch, then I'm going to bed.

Let's wrap the whole thing up in a neat package by remembering that we live in the most secular country in the world and should view religion as the minority activity it is.

More later, when I can be bothered. I've been saying what I'm planning to write for most of my life - adult and child - and I have to work myself up to face the banality of it all.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Arses...

The RSS feed is fixed. Just don't look too closely at the URL - this blog is being hosted on the webspace of one of my other projects (which is going a little slow, so has plenty of unused server space and bandwidth).

Tsk, naughty me.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

We apologise for the incovenience...

Despite having two weeks' notice,and knowing precisely whatIwas going to do about it, Telewest decided to deal with our outstanding bill not by giving me two extra days to stick the fifty quid in the account, but by cutting us off completely and charging us a tenner for the privilege.

Fuckers. Should have paid the bloody BT bill and stuck with my nice 2meg ADSL.

Anyway, I'm back on now and I can tell you, it's more than a little annoying when all you can do is listen to music and play games.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Those who can't...

Today I made the decision to train to become a teacher.

For about the millionth time.

OK, that's not strictly accurate. Today I made the first positive and decisive step towards becoming a teacher. I started the enrolment process which will get me onto a University access course which will, in 18 months' time mean that I am qualified and prepared enough to go back to Uni and study for a PGCE.

I'm qualified enough now, but having been totally out of the loop for far too long, I made the decision to take an extra year to get my bearings, slip back into the worlds of study and work and knuckle down to the career I desperately need.

Now, the question is "Why on earth would anyone want to be a teacher in this day and age?"

It's about the only job I can see myself being comfortable in - despite the bad pay, silly hours, unpaid overtime, crippling red tape, a constantly changing curriculum and all that. I've taught before and have never felt more like I just fitted.

Over the years, I've worked as a Mobile Phone supplier, Barman, Filing Clerk, Secretary and Network Technician to name a few and I've never really felt like it was the thing I could do for the rest of my life. Since the age of sixteen, I've been convinced that education is really the only industry for me. Informally, I've taught on numerous occasions. Formally, I've taught for just a few days, but they were the most fulfilling few days of my career. I did well and I knew I'd achieved something. The class worked well and produced good results and that was down to my skill. I felt alive, important, in control. I felt like I was making just a little difference to these people's lives and helping them to achieve something and that gave me a rush like nothing else.

Let me tell you a story:

From the age of six to nineteen I was part of the Boys' Brigade at my local church. I made some good friends and built up relationships that last to this day. I also earned a lot of respect and worked my way through the ranks, eventually reaching the rank of Staff Sergeant, which was the highest rank I could achieve without formally joining the membership of the church, being baptised and recieving my commission (The Boys' Brigade is run on a loosely military structure, with Commissioned and Non-Commissioned officers).

During my time as an NCO, I was in charge of the younger Boys in the Brigade, ranging in age from 10 to 17 and in number from three or four to about a dozen.

Together with my C.O.'s, we worked towards instilling the Boys with a sense of discipline, respect and hopefully provided a positive role model in their lives.

As is the case with teenagers, a good number of them drifted away over the years and we heard little more about them.

Until one day I saw, on the cover of the local paper, a face I remembered. He was being praised for his actions in defending a pensioner from a mugging and apprehending the mugger. The article made mention of the time he'd spent in the Boys' Brigade, and how it had had a great influence on his life.

And for one glowing moment that will stay with me forever, I realised that one of the people who'd acted as a mentor and given him that terrific start in life was me.

It is the world's greatest feeling to feel proud of someone whose life you've helped mould. To say that my heart bursts with pride at this young man's actions is no understatement.

Of course my kids make me proud, extremely proud, but this is something that happened a long time before I even imagined I would ever be a parent. This was me influencing a peer to do good deeds and be a good person.

I'm not conceited enough to take all the credit. He comes from a good family and I have no doubt that his good nature comes from them, but the very thought that I might have had just that very small influence on his choice to be a good person is overwhelmingly incredible.

And it's this that drives my desire to teach. The chance to be responsible for the achievements of all those young people. To help them acquire the tools to make something wonderful of their lives. To be able to look back and know that I helped them achieve whatever successes they have. That motivates me to be the best teacher I can be.

Monday, January 09, 2006

I need a little time...

With Charlie at College starting her reflexology course tonight (she qualified as a professional aromatherapist in December and now has letters after her name!) and the kids in bed, I had hoped for some quality blogging time. No such luck.

Instead, I have a constant stream of stomping fairy elephants coming downstairs telling me what their sister's doing wrong now. Gah!

Well, it's kicking up a gale outside, the dog's been through the rubbish and sicked up piles of rancid chicken, the idiot, and there's absolutely nothing of any value on the TV.

So my thoughts drift to how we can fill up the year with interesting things. There's a holiday to plan, birthdays spread liberally through the year (one falling on Easter Day, no less), there's our ninth anniversary in a couple of days time, there's a job to find, a new school to prepare for, bills to pay off, college courses to sign up for, social lives to rebuild...

It's quite daunting really. Much easier to sit here and read blogs and news sites, but we need to face up to our challenges.

For the holiday, there's three possibilities - a Gite, North Wales or East Yorkshire. Each has it's merits - neither of us has ever been abroad, so having a week or two in a little Gite in Normandy would be a total thrill. I grew up holidaying in North Wales and know the area pretty well. Haven't been back there in maybe 15 years, so I'm eager to reacquaint myself. Or there's the familiar option of East Yorkshire. We've been there twice times now and loved each time, but due to being stuck with public transport, we haven't been able to really explore. With any luck, I'll be driving this year, so we can get out and about and go to all the places we've been wanting to go.

Idon't know how to end this post. I was going to go into detail about all the decisions we've got to make this year, but I can't do it without getting into subjects I shy away from, like Charlie's past and my frustrations and what we've rowed about and specifics about our lives that I feel would be a step too far.

On the other hand, the blogs I read whose authors do share their most intimate feelings with the world tend to be showing mega hits, so I'm torn. Maybe it'd be cathartic to just bring everything into the wide open spaces of the net. Maybe it would spark such blistering rows that it'd be the end of our relationship. So many possibilities.

How much do you think you know about me? Could you answer quiz questions about me and my life? Would you like to hear more about the real reasons I don't like my father in law, or why my family's not close-knit, or my efforts to track down my Thai ancestors and whether or not my great grandfather was royalty? Do you want me to be more open about why we've spent the last six years in social isolation?

How do you percieve my style of blogging? Am I just an article and soapbox blogger? Do I share my life with you? What are my tastes in music or clothing? What hobbies do I have?

If you can't answer those questions and you've had a good look through my archives or (god forbid) you've been reading for a while, I must ask myself why you can't answer those questions. Do I want to remain the Man of Mystery?

Oh I don't bloody know. What do you want to know?
I'm getting more and more frustrated by people who bleat on interminably about how terrible it is that the Democratic system we're supposed to live under is breaking down.

Pedantry is all very well, but the first thing it is is annoying. We do not live in a Democracy, no matter what they tell you. We do not live in America, no matter how much it might feel like it. We do live in a society run by big business and self-serving beaurocrats. Our government is a powerless figurehead designed to portray the unacceptible face of Democracy so that we don't question who holds the real power.

Ack! There's so much more I want to say. I really want to be lucid on this point, but I have to stop the kid from destroying the house and I really don't want to be writing this post for the entire afternoon.

It's not paranoia, it's being able to see the wood for the trees. Bollocks to Whitehall, they don't run the world. The Man runs the world and I don't answer to the FUCKING Man, OK??

When you gotta go...

Much more interesting than Big Brother has been the downfall of Charles Kennedy.

I've laughed along with everyone else over the months at the teasing suggestions that Kennedy had a drink problem, I watched with fascination as he admitted it with such dignity that he left himself no choich but to resign or face immediate re-election.

And all along, I couldn't help wondering what the big deal was. Arguably the best Prime Minister we've had (Winston Churchill) was a interminable drunk. Each generation after Churchill has had its' share of high profile drunks in power, so what's the problem with Kennedy?

Perhaps that he was stuck in third place, perhaps that the face of British politics is gradually changing into an organisation that doesn't include him, perhaps that the media has become so intolerant of any personal quirks or problems that the slightest admission of weakness is like a green light to every assassin on Fleet Street.

Don't believe the hype...

It shouldn't be a surprise to anyone why I haven't been watching this year's Celebrity Big Brother.

What is it that comes beneath Z-list in celebrity stakes? Whatever it is, Endemol have filled the house with them this time:

Five people I've never heard of (one because she's not actually famous), three complete has-been's, two freaks...and George Galloway.

A bona-fide Member of Parliament. They've actually outdone themselves after last summer's Derek, the black tory speechwriter. I'm looking forward to seeing Gordon Brown on the next edition of "I'm a Celebrity..."

Well, despite not watching it, I've been keeping up with the news from the house - and the news surrounding the house - and it seems that Galloway's entry has caused quite a stir. Well, according to the press - the LABOUR press - it's caused a stir. According to his opponent at the General Election, he's a self-serving egotist. According to some unheard-of Labour frontbencher, he's abandoning his constituents.

Out of interest, how many months did Tony Blair spend abroad last year? How often did he appear on the floor of the house? Are there no politicians that have spent less time in the house? I wonder. Yes, Galloway's outspoken. Yes, he's obnoxious. Yes, he's unpleasant. But exactly how does that single him out?

So he met Saddam Hussein. Who didn't?

So he didn't want the Iraq invasion to take place. Doesn't that make him a good guy?

There's a lot of hypocrisy and media manipulation spinning around right now. We need to look through the hype.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Lorem ipsum can't be arsedum...

Stupid bloody cold. It won't go away! I got some decongestant tablets, like the nurse said and yes, they did make a difference. My ears clicked like crazy all day and I could hear properly again at last, so I said to myself "that's the end of it" and vowed not to have any more.

Then I woke up half deaf again the next day. Fucker.

Thing is, now I'm feeling uncharacteristically low, drowsy, achy, sometimes when I blink, I open my eyes and everything's blurred or I'm seeing double. But in my mind, there's noting wrong with me because I can still get up, potter around the house, make everyones' dinner, fetch the kids from school, handle business phone calls - you know, the run of the mill stuff that I usually can't do when I'm all flu'd up.

So I'm fine - it's just that I've got all this misery and achiness to deal with. Added to that, something's going on in my left upper gum where there seems to be some pressure on one of my molars. I'm assuming there's a wisdom tooth coming through. When I was fifteen, I had an X-ray at the dentist's and they said all four of my wisdom teeth would come through with no problem, but this one's forcing the teeth in front of it forward (which is OK because I've got a convenient gap from a previous extraction), which means I've got all these odd sensations in my jaw.

I haven't been able to concentrate properly lately, either. Thoughts seem to leak out of my head like water through a colander. I start on a subject, trail off after about three seconds, then have to say "forget it" because...I have. It's pissing me off. I know it's this bloody cold that's doing it to me. It's put me in this realy black mood which I just want to snap out of because I'm just not like that. I can't be. There's too much to keep in the air. I have to keep the kids from trashing the house, Ihave to rein in the expenses so we can afford the necessities, I have to cope with phone calls from parents which take up our full attention for what could be three hours at a time, and I have to work out how I'm going to fit in a college course and a job around the increasingly full week while ensuring Charlie has as few parental duties to perform as possible. It's a juggling act, and I'm shit at juggling.

I want to keep rambling on for ages about god only knows what, but I really can't be arsed. It's this black mood settling over me for the night. Also, this seat feels saggier than usual, I have things to do before I go to bed and I feel like what I want to do is just bash the keyboard and see long strings of totally random characters fill the screen.

Ah well, tomorrow's nearly here. Time to hit the hay. Maybe things will look AND sound a little clearer then.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

It's oh so quiet...

In a mere six hours' time, both kids will be back at school.

I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to that.

Adult conversation! Grown up telly! We can tidy up and not have a little imp follow us round destroying everything again!

Oh, and the decorations are coming down. Christmas is officially over. So now we can get on with work and college and dealing with psychological problems and the daily grind of watching January turn into April before we've had time to draw breath.

Sigh... Onward and upward...

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

I am the morning DJ...

A couple of the blogs I usually read have published their (and their friend's) favourite music of the year. Would that I could do something similar, but really I haven't been too impressed by anything I've heard chart-wise this year.

So instead of a list of songs I have been listening to, how about I regale you with some oddments from the tracklists that regularly make their way onto the ole' MP3 player?

Anarchy in the UK - Sex Pistols
Kandy Pop - Bis
Bullet in the head - Rage Against the Machine
Sunshine of your love, Crossroads - Cream
S & M - Nekromantix
Oh Bondage, Up Yours - X-Ray Spex
Blind - Korn
Ratamahatta - Sepultura
Rubber Soul, Revolver, Sgt. Pepper (whole albums) - The Beatles

Also appearing are various Ska and Pop acts such as Desmond Dekker and Madeline Peyroux, and you can bet K T Tunstall, the Beach Boys and quite a few Jazz and Blues artists will find their way into the ranks by the end of the year.

The only problem I'm going to face is that I sometimes find music with no chatter or commentary or at least without a break to be a bit...well...monotonous, which is why I've been favouring the radio through my Nokia over the past year or so. To this end, I will most likely be adding the odd podcast from the likes of Lostcasts, Ricky Gervais, Podnography or (gasp shock horror!) Chris Evans.

All in all, a nice eclectic mix of stuff.

Any recommendations - as long as it's not wrist-slitting stuff like Coldplay or that whiny bloke who likes stripping off and jumping off cliffs - gladly accepted.

Joy is in the ears that hear*

This bloody cold's left me half deaf. Isn't that annoying?

Mind you, it's less annoying than what I originally thought - that I'd perforated my eardrum listening to Metallica, Pantera, Machine Head and Fear Factory waaay too loud for four straight hours on Friday.

According to NHS Direct, I'm to invest in some decongestant medicine and avoid loud noises for a couple of days. Should be easy, the kids go back to school on Wednesday and Thursday.

In other news, I lost my wallet on Saturday, which means my coveted Driving License now has to be replaced, along with the usual round of Bank cards and stuff. Could have done with the £25 I had in there, too. Good start to the year, don't you think?

(* - I've started putting titles to my posts, after many months of not bothering. To avoid having clever dicks trying to pinpoint where the titles may have come from, you can expect most of them to come from pre-21st century songs or books I've read. Thank you, carry on...)

Monday, January 02, 2006

Back in the old routine

My monitor broke this morning, so I've been forced onto our backup fifteen incher, which means I have to view everything in much lower resolution than I'm used to. As a result of this, I discovered the nice christmassy white template looks absolutely pants at 1024x768 screen resoultion, so I'm sticking the old red & grey template back on, which looks much better.

Oh, one day I swear I'll just leave it alone and be happy.





Nah...

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Happy New Year!

We've been having a bit of an Alien marathon after being tipped off about the Quadrilogy 9-disc boxset being on offer at Tesco's for the ridiculous price of £23.

We've also polished off a bottle of rather nice Asti and had a couple of belters out of my Jim Beam stash.

So I'm just going to say Happy New Year from all at Lithaborn Towers and we wish you all the best in the next twelve months!

Friday, December 30, 2005

One of the numerous bad points of Boxing Day was that the washing machine decided to flood the kitchen. Not a trickle, oh no. An inch of water pooling on our very obviously badly laid floor.

So I've been putting off the next load for as long as possible. Tonight's the night, however, that we can't avoid it for another day. I think the problem was a temporary blockage in the waste pipe, which seems to have cleared, seeing as the machine's already drained once.

I can hear it on its' spin cycle now, so I'm going to check it again after I click "Send".

Ain't suburbia grand?
OK, if there's anything more annoying than a stinking cold that sneaks up on you and lays you low in the course of half an hour, I want to fucking know about it.

Eight o'clock last night, I was just fine - cooking dinner, getting the kids to bed...getting ready to settle down for the night.

By nine I was a snuffling, snivelling heap of snot and tissues. How the hell does that happen??

It's just about clearing now - in as much as I can actually walk away from the tissue box safe in the knowledge that I'm not going to have to run back to it to catch another sneeze.

I fucking hate colds!

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

So...

Boxing day was indeed spent at my parents' house - where my sister spent the day getting tipsier and louder and snappier because she wanted to take my mother and her credit card to the sales, my father took to his bed because he'd done far too much over the last couple of days, my mother got a foot massage and made a lovely pork dinner which was left completely untouched by the kids who'd ritually stuffed themselves with chocolate when they got up.

I was made to sit through the hell that was the Coronation Street Christmas Panto and Spy Kids, a film I always swore I'd never watch but which my vindictive kids now love!

Today they slept late. I got a lovely lie in till the mad hour of 9am! Bliss!

The TV was on, but I'm buggered if I know what was on. I do know we watched "Ever After" tonight. If I never do again, it'll be too soon. After that we had a tipple, caught up with Eastenders and the Casualty @ Holby City special via Telewest's Teleport, the poor man's TiVO, restocked Charlie's MP3 player and repaired a few broken programs on the PC. The kids ran riot and played with loads of their new toys, breaking some and doing wonderfully creative things with others.

This is the week where I traditionally take stock and wonder where life is leading. I don't make resolutions, but I like to start the year with at least an idea of what I'll do.

I know now, for example, that I will not be receiving any financial support with which to set up my business. To face the prospect of raising £4000 with a credit rating so red it could be used to tan most of Essex is not the most daunting one I've ever faced, but it's up there. It means a rethink and some quick action in order to keep my long term plans on track...

You see, I was about to go off on one, going into huge detail about just what I want to do, but it's also stultifyingly dull.

Let's just say that by the end of January, I want to have at least one more driving lesson under my belt and I want to have signed up for a couple of night school classes. By the end of February, I want to have shed at least a stone and we should have reinstated our twice-weekly swimming trips. I should also have a job in a school - either as a classroom assistant or IT assistant or something.

And on it goes.

Come June, I have to come to terms with turning thirty-three. Ick. I'm not old, I'm not, I'm not.

Big goals next year:

- Passing my Driving Test
- Taking the family on holiday
- Losing huge swathes of excess weight
- Paying off all my debts
- Keeping a job for at least...well...ever, really.
- Persuading the Local Education Authority to fund my foray back to University - this time to study Psychology
- Ensuring that Christmas does not descend to the usual battle of wills between the Present obsessed Charlie and the practical but perpetually broke Me
- Transferring Allison's huge stack of VHS tapes to DVD, whether by video capture or retail purchase

There'll probably be more added to the list through the week, but for now, that'll do.

* * *

We have an agreement that when Charlie gets to a certain dress size, we'll fix a date for our wedding. Given that the two couples we know who haven't divorced are sinfuly miserable, I may have to work on changing her mind about that.

* * *

It's come to my attention that certain people who read this blog have been blessed with quite a bit of snow.

Gits.

I love snow, and the pathetic dusting we got this afternoon didn't even have the staying power to get the pavement wet.

* * *

Thank god. No really, thank GOD they've stopped playing christmas songs 24 hours a day on the radio!

And I need to have a better selection on my MP3 player than the Gorillaz and Madeline Peyroux I lumbered myself with today.

* * *

Still alive reading? Ask me a question. I'll come up with a seemingly glib but actually rather subtle and insightfully deep answer. Or something.

Monday, December 26, 2005

So that's it then, another one under the belt.

What did I get? A bottle of whiskey, a bottle of special edition Jim Beam, a drinking game (what are they trying to say?), a pocket Zen Garden, the requisite smellies, a nice gothy-type t-shirt, one of those credit card survival kits and a few other lovely things.

The kids got tons of stuff which all revolved around being creative or Pokemon or My Little Pony or dressing up as princesses. They also got a disco projector and one of those revolving balls that shines coloured lights all over the place, both of which are great fun. Oh, and they got a Dalek battle set, which included a posable Christopher Ecclestone, which is really weird as I still see him as Nicky from Our Friends in the North, or the Police Chief that was killed by Robert Carlyle in Cracker and not as the Doctor at all.

I got Charlie an MP3 player to stop her nicking mine and a set of clay sculpting tools because she used to be all arty but stopped when the kids were born. She also got this big scary back massager thing that plugs into the mains and has two horn-type things that rotate and dig into your backeither side of your spine. I tried it for 30 seconds and found it very uncomfortable, but she loves it, so that's OK then.

It was terribly poignant watching the Two Ronnies this evening, knowing Ronnie Barker had it recorded early in the year because he knew his days were up.

David Tennant as the new Doc? Well, I like his style from Casanova, and he's suitably menacing as Barty Crouch Jnr in the new Harry Potter. He does "sinister" really well, and I particularly liked the last ten minutes where he finished off the skullface leader with that wonderfully fierce "no second chances" line, and when he faces off against the Prime Minister after she blows the baddies up. Good bits all round - although I could have done without the schmaltzy ending, but it is a Christmas special after all. I think I could enjoy him as the Doc for a few years.

Dinner, by the way, was a complete work of art. Turkey done to perfection, mash wonderful and creamy, roast spuds, parsnips and carrots done to a tee, chestnut and cranberry stuffing a bit on the strong side but nice enough, pigs in blankets (cocktail sausages wrapped in streaky bacon, for the uninitiated) could have been crispier, but they only had 20 minutes in the oven. All in all, I was very chuffed with myself. And the cheapo table wine I picked up yesterday managed not to be completely horrible. Result!

Tomorrow will be the real trick. We're off to my parents' for lunch, which means the kids have to be on their best behaviour to avoid giving Pater another coronary and I have to try and remember who bought what and what I'm supposed to praise effusively and what I'm allowed to slag off. I think we might have a spate of "thank you" letter writing in the morning.

Right now it's time for a snifter of my lovely lovely new bourbon and off to beddibyes.

Same time next year then? Why not.

Hands up who's off to the sales next week to start buying up next years' prezzies?

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Not a bad stash, all told.

Been listening to my nice new MP3 player for most of the day, with a soundtrack which includes Cream, the Pistols, Rage against the machine and Reef.

Dinner's nearly cooked, Shrek's on the box and all - after a severely manic morning - is peace and tranquility.

So...sigh...Time to relax.

Merry Merry.

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Done.

Last minute shopping this year consisted of a few late cards for family and a couple of packs of mince pies. That's all. It's gone rather well. There's a load of washing up to do, and the radiators are going to get a good seeing to tonight as we try to dry a load of clothes. We've even changed the rabbit's bedding.

The kids are about to get a shower and get put to bed, but not before we find out where Santa is.

So...you can probably expect some posts and pics tomorrow, if not some video. Anyone that's sad enough to drop in, do feel free to post a comment and let us all know how you're spending your day.

Most importantly, no matter what you're going to be celebrating (or if you already have), have a great time and thanks so much for sticking with Lithaborn.co.uk this year.
Here's a quick headsup for Ricky Gervais fans:

He and Stephen Merchant are doing a couple of stints for Radio 2 - the first one starts in about half an hour, and the second is a week today, New Year's Eve.

He's no stranger to Radio 2, being an almost permanent fixture on Jonathan Ross's saturday show, so it should be an interesting bit of listening.

Me? I'll be listening on the kitchen radio while I divide my time between the loo, the washing, the piles of rubbish and the cooker.

Something else I'm doing is subscribing to as many podcasts as I can so I've got something interesting to do with my new MP3 player tomorrow. Any suggestions?
Ugh.

The shopping went well yesterday. Masses of prezzies bought - which wasn't the easiest thing as I had to plan my day around where the nearest public toilets were.

WhileI was doing the santa thing, Charlie was off geting the last of the groceries in, so now our poor fridge is groaning under the weight of several dozen apples, oranges, pears and bananas (OK, bananas don't do well in the fridge, they're sitting on the top). Even if we wanted to, there's no bloody room to buy any more food.

That's the last time I'll mention food for a while, promise.

I tell you what though, I could really do with changing the channel on the TV and not hearing the words "Christmas Special". Really. Well, until seven o'clock tomorrow night, anyway.

Friday, December 23, 2005

I am awestruck at just how fucking domestic I sound.

I need a night on the lash. Really. Heavy metal and a bottle or four of Newky would be just the ticket right about now.
This is not a good time to get a tummy bug!

I'm sitting here with a belly that's doing a damn fine impression of a speedboat's wake, wanting to be getting on with all kinds of interesting middle-of-the-night-before-the-night-before-christmas type things like putting the last three years worth of kids toys in bags to go in the loft (or to the charity shops) and clearing loads of washing up away and processing the mound of bed linen that desperately needs a trip round the washing machine and all I can do is waft between the sofa and the bathroom hoping that this will be that grand occasion that signals the end of the problem.

Allison woke up with it and promptly passed it on to Charlie, who's kindly lumbered me with it just at my most productive time of the day. They've both happily spent all day lounging around with long faces complaining that they don't want to eat and I've been hard at it - I've even made a mercy dash over to my folks' house to sort out their own present storage crisis. Now it's looking like the only thing I'm going to get done is preparing the rubbish bags for the last collection before the big day, just as I finally get all of the ill layabouts out of my hair.

Arse, arse and buggery.

I even cleaned the fridge.

I should explain that the reason most of my posts lately have been kitchen based is that it's my territory. In a shocking case of role reversal,I'm the one who does the cooking - and I've got bloody good at it. This will be my...fifth? fourth? christmas dinner and wobetide anyone who tries to "help". I know how long the turkey takes to cook, I know when to put the roasting taters on to parboil so I can give them an hour in the oven, I know to give the veg just 20 minutes at the end so they're not all mushy, I know that the stuffing ain't going up the damn bird's arse, but is going in a damn microwavable bowl and getting zapped with five minutes to go because the oven just ain't that big and I hate pissing around inside that icky cavity. Getting the giblets out is going to traumatise me and they're helpfully sealed in a plastic bag!

I also know how to store the remaining three quarters of the turkey we won't eat on Sunday so that we can still be ploughing through it next wednesday. By which time I will never want another turkey, stuffing and cranberry sandwich for as long as I live - for the fifth year running.

Somehow, even though there's only four of us - two of which won't eat anything that doesn't include sugar and E221 - we've managed to fill three huge tins full of biscuits, a giant tub full of sweets and procure enough tins to singlehandedly populate the school stage for next years' harvest festival. As usual we've stocked up for a month-long seige despite the fact that the shops are all open at 10am on Boxing Day...

And I'll bet good money that come Tuesday they'll be complaining that there's nothing in to eat.

Do I sound like a housewife? Is that a sexist statement? I don't care. Anyone want to pop round and cater for us over the next couple of days? You're quite welcome, so long as you can cook without touching my kitchen...

Thursday, December 22, 2005

The sprouts are standing by, the bird's defrosting, the kitchen's (almost) tidy, Charlie's reading the story of the Nativity to Allison before bed. Tomorrow I'm off to buy £200 worth of presents in the two or three hours before the crowds get too bad.

Hmm...

Must be Christmas.
Blatantly nicked from a certain ex-Londoner

Greed:Medium
 
Gluttony:Low
 
Wrath:Medium
 
Sloth:Medium
 
Envy:Very Low
 
Lust:Medium
 
Pride:Medium
 


The Seven Deadly Sins Quiz on 4degreez.com

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Can't be arsed waiting days for your monster turkey to defrost? Sick of getting up at stupid o'clock to put the thing on to cook?

Deep fry the fucker.

I've been making cakes and biscuits almost constantly for a week now. Considering that, it's possibly surprising that this is my first attempt at iced fairy cakes. I looked up a recipe - equal amounts of sugar, butter and flour, two eggs, vanilla essence, whisk it all up - it looks pretty good. Then I check again and they're supposed to be madewith self-raising flour instead of the plain I've been using.

Ah crap!

Cue grand scale dig to the back of the "ingredients" cupboard for some baking soda.

Well, as it turns out, they're light and sweet and tasty and just as spongy as yer average fairy cakes are supposed to be.

We had a little construction line going last night - I did the icing, Bethan did the silver balls and Allison put them in the box. And Nanny ate them. And a very nice night was had by all.

At risk of incurring the scorn of some of my regulars, I'm actually getting into the christmas spirit now - even going so far as to catch myself humming "wonderful christmastime" this morning on the bus.

Now I'm off for a spot of infanticide as they've both come home from school tired and miserable.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Don't let appearances fool you. It might look like a suburban Junior school playground, but really it's an ice rink.

Who knew, eh?
The sheer depth of the spectacle is breathtaking.

The thought that this man is taken seriously by anyone in his country is laughable.

How this can't be seen as the last slide into deep insanity is unfathomable.

Bush's address to his people yesterday is one of the most blatant propagandist confidence tricks I've eevr witnessed.

So it's within the remit of the constitution to spy on your own people? OK, so we're to return to the grand inquisition days of McCarthyism are we? And do you think if enough people say the word "legally" that people will believe you? Unfortunately, it's pretty obvious they will believe him, but JEEZ!

"You should all just shut up about it because it's very embarrassing *ahem* I mean it's helping our enemies."

Yeah, so is keeping your troops there because if you brought them home the Iraqis would have nothing to shoot at, right?

Oh, and there'd be less chance of them electing a fundamentalist government that cuts off your oil supply. What? Sorry? Nothing to do with oil you say? Must have missed that, I was too busy laughing my head off.

And what about Condy Rice saying there's no evidence the FBI flies suspects around the world and tortures them. Fuck me, you don't say! Of COURSE there's no evidence, you idiot! You expect them to leave traces?

There's so much more to say about this last week in the White House but I've got more biscuits to bake and I'm a little distracted.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Just a quick note to say that I've moved this blog to my own webspace. Now, you can't tell the difference outwardly unless you've been using the blogger address - http://lithaborn.blogspot.com, in which case it'll just look like I've not posted anything for a couple of days.

If you're using lithaborn.co.uk (like you should be) then everything will be fine and dandy.

Also, if you're using the RSS feed and haven't updated it, you need to change the feed source to http://www.lithaborn.co.uk/feed/atom.xml.

Apologies to anyone who got lost in the meantime, but you have had plenty of warning.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

The mad as a brush but not very welcomein Liverpool train wreck of a politician Boris Johnson is the new Shadow higher education minister.

This man defines the word "buffoon".

It is now impossible (as if it wasn't already) that the Tories will win an election. My prediction will be Gordon Brown's New-old-new Labour, then a spot of Lib-Dem, then...who knows?

A quick quote from my favourite tory:

"All politicians in the end are like crazed wasps in a jam jar, each individually convinced that they are going to make it,"

Gotta love him.
Update on the ol' progenitor's ticker...

He's home and safe and on the road to recovery, with any luck.

I'm not going to get to see him until the weekend now as I'm up to my eyeballs.

Grocery shopping eight miles away, quick jaunt to the jobcentre, cooking for Charlie's college mini-party and making a donkey costume for Allison tomorrow. Nursery, more cooking and a Girls' Brigade party on Wednesday. Thursday I've got a very annoying visit to the Magistrate's court for a fine I forgot I hadn't paid, then a load of christmas shopping on Friday.

Next week should be quite calm in comparison, right up until I get paid on the 23rd.

I then have 36 hours to finalise everything for Christmas - the majority of the present buying, paying the bills, wrapping the damn presents and getting the veg for christmas lunch - all in the midst of the biggest crush and panic of the year.

Ah well, beats working for a living, eh?

Monday, December 12, 2005

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Um...

Boom!

For now, I've put a link to a live stream of BBC's News24 Channel in my sidebar. If it doesn't work, or if it's too fast for you lot on dialup, do let me know in the comments and I'll dump it.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

My dad had a heart attack this morning.

At least, all the signs seem to point that way.

On the way to work this morning he started suffering from what he called "almost unbearably excruciating" chest pains, popped into the nearest Boots store and was treated by their onsite paramedic, who then called an ambulance. He was taken to the only hospital in the district which has the capacity to immediately operate on suspected heart attack victims and within two hours was in good spirits and trying to cope with being pampered by the hospital staff.

He's a Deacon at the church I grew up in and their support and prayer has definitely had a positive effect as last reports say that he is in high spirits and no immediate danger.

My mum was so panicked that there was a danger she'd end up in the next bed along, but I think the night will help put a less worrying perspective on the whole event and we're now waiting for the results of the 48 hours of close monitoring and the Doctors' investigation into what actually happened to him.

How did I react? In the usual way - calm, methodical and giving hope and strength to anyone who needed it. The way I see it, someone has to stay in charge during emergencies like this and invariably that someone ends up being me as everyone else seems to go to pieces!

It wasn't really a shock to me, as he's always had very high blood pressure and a volatile nature which meant that realistically he was always going to suffer a heart attack at some point. Frankly, I always assumed that his first would be his last, and hopefully it will be - thankfully not in the terminal sense I expected.

What happens next will presumably a fundamental life change for him. No longer will he be allowed to walk everywhere just as fast as his legs will take him, I'd prefer that he didn't try to be in charge of every situation and stopped worrying about the minutiae of his life, such as how many extra phone batteries are on charge, or how many bottles of milk are in the fridge, or whether or not the dog needs walking RIGHT NOW AT THIS MOMENT IN TIME or in half an hour.

It boils down to the fact that he feels he must be a leading part of every decision that's made - and when he doesn't agree with a decision, or can't see the sense of it, he immediately gets angry. This will be the hardest thing he will have to adjust to - the fact that he's not necessarily in charge anymore.

The most difficult part of his rehabilitation will quite possibly be coming to terms with the warning his body has given him. He's always been of the opinion that his way of doing things is the right way and now it should be clear to him that this isn't necessarily so. One example of this was his insistence that we leave his credit cards with him in hospital in case he needed anything. It shows that he is having problems understanding that for the next couple fo days at least he will be bedridden and in need of nothing that the nurses will not be able to bring him.

We didn't leave his cards, by the way, just a handful of short change and a number of admonitions that he let himself be looked after.

I could easily carry on spouting off in this manner for hours, but I'm going to leave it here. I'm looking forward to talking to the aftercare nurses and visiting him tomorrow afternoon, and I'm looking forward to seeing how he adjusts to his more sedate lifestyle. I want to play a more active part in my parents life now as I am convinced that they need a calming influence and a voice of reason - neither of which are character traits associated with my hypertense mother, my overly assertive father or my deeply troubled sister.

Life just got much more complex, a bit more difficult and quite possibly far more interesting.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

A snippet of conversation from my darling offspring a few minutes ago:

McDonald's toilet cubicle #1:
"My beard is black,
There's soot in my sack,
My nose is tickly tooo!"

Cubicle #2:
"Grrrrr!!!"

Me, hovering self-consciously at ladies' toilet door:
"What?? What's wrong?"

Cubicle #2:
"I hate that song!"