I've been spending the last couple of days variously pulling my hair out, dealing with revelations from in-laws and reading and thinking about my attraction to Paganism, Witchcraft and particularly my "right" to use the title "Hedgewitch", trying to discover what that path entails, or what I've signed up for by calling myself such.
Basically, I've been trying - well - not so much to validate myself, but to discover whether or not I'm still making the right choices and not kidding myself.
I've discovered a few things on my travels through books like Kate West's "Real Witches Handbook" and various websites.
Something that comes across is that most practitioners prefer to use copious tools, such as the long, black handled knife (the Athame) and a wand, pentograms, altars, and the like. They mark the Sabbats (solstices and quarter-days) and Esbats (Full moons) with rituals of varying intricacy.
The problem I have with this practice, and full-on public displays of worship or ritual is that after fourteen years in Church, my immediate reaction to formal worship is to pretty much balk at it and reject any kind of structured religious practise.
I know where the problem stems from. In church, I saw hypocrisy disguised and glossed over with ritual and dogma. I withdrew to a place inside myself in order to explore my faith - I turned to books and courses in order to investigate the deeper meaning of the verses and theology I was being taught. And I found the Church sorely lacking. It didn't fulfill my spiritual needs. I was pretty confident that whatever spirituality I felt would never be fulfilled under the auspices of the Christian God - although my personal understanding of Deity revolves around the Judeo-Christian definition to this day.
The problem is that anything I associate with religious practise, I tend to reject as a symbol of a past life which didn't suit me and didn't answer my needs or address my beliefs.
So I don't think you'll be seeing me at a Midsummer Moot.
So how do I practise my Hedgewitchery? Well, for me it's a far more cerebral journey. I read and I think and I discuss. I visit calming, blessed, sacred places and take in the atmosphere. I immerse myself in the nature around me and take care to get as much fresh air as is practical. I adore filling the house with natural light and flinging the doors and windows open. Thrilling in a thnderstorm, but not much fun when living with a recluse that would happily live on artificial light alone! As I said before, the first thing I did with my wonderfully private flat was to rip doors and curtains down.
I brew herbal teas, cook and bathe with natural ingredients and try to recycle where I can (shorthand for not wanting to throw anything away!). I don't meditate through trance-like alteration of conscience, but rather I spend days at a time working through reference material and concentrated thought until I come to a decision regarding the subject I'm concentrating on. Rather a prosaic way of tding things, but one which suits me and which fits around my lifestyle, where quiet, private time is at a premium and interruptions are frequent.
I do intend to construct a small kit I could use as an alter eventually - a cloth - probaby one with a pentogram as focus of the design - a joss-stick to represent air, a pebble for earth, candles to represent the God and Goddess and to represent fire (The deity candles standing in candlesticks - sun & moon design perhaps - and a tealight for the elemental fire), a seashell to represent water. I'll need a box to keep them in, wooden of course. For a wand, I'll use my hand!
I've been looking at Craft names - some people use these to distance them from their regular life when performing their rituals or mixing with other Witches/Pagans. As I'm not keen on my name, this has quite interested to me, and I've been awaiting inspiriation regarding one I could use. I've used the phrase Litha-Born before, as my birthday is only a week away from the summer solstice, the Litha festival. Something I looked up today has decided me on the completion of my Craft Name. One of my favourite Shakespearean charcters is Puck, spirit ofthe woods in A Midsummer Night's Dream. Puck is also known as Robin Goodfellow. In folklore, Puck, Robin Goodfellow is associated with Pan, who was the son of Mercury, messenger of the Gods and the planet associated with my birthsign, Gemini.
So, if you should ever meet me at a Pagan Moot or at an Open Ritual, don't be surprised if I introduce myself as Robin Lithaborn...
It even feels natural to type it! Excellent!
