- Exactly how badly their poo smells
- Everything you don't want grabbed and slobbered on must go three feet above the floor by the time they learn to crawl
- The amount of clothes they actually get through
- How far a child can vomit, and how much
- How many times one child can ask "why?"
- The importance of them getting their own room REALLY early on.
- A baby's capacity for rolling off a given surface, no matter how wide it is
- The Houdini-shaming speed they can release themselves from buggy straps by the age of two
- How much more effective cuddles are than Calpol
- The importance of teething remedies that can be used for under 6-month-olds
- How easy it is to catch yourself enjoying playing baby games
- How hard it is to stop talking in that high pitched pidgin babytalk, even though they're bloody five and looking down their nose at you
There's more but I'm tired.
