Here's some itches I can't scratch:

Kenneth Clarke wants to be leader of the Conservative Party: Fucking ridiculous! Like Michael Howard, he's had to wait twenty years to dispel the shadows that kept him from power - namely Thatcher and Major's government. He wasn't good enough to run the party back then - and god knows he tried hard enough - so what does it say about the current tories that he stands a good chance now? It's simply laughable! And someone correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't Micheal Howard standing down to allow some new blood to show through? Ken Clarke is older than Howard! The Tories are a farce and Labour is being run by an egomaniacal autocrat - and will be when Blair steps down. It's a crying shame that the Lib Dems can't get a toehold. They're the only ones with a shred of dignity and decency left in Wesminster. Granted, there's not much to choose between, but if you had to pick the best of a bad lot...

Nanny Blair wants to ban "violent porn": It's startling revelation time (and I'm none too confident about this) - me and Charlie enjoy a bit of the old ropes, chains and leather stuff, nothing amazing - sexy outfits and mild to average bondage in the whole - but now and again, we go in for a bit of harder stuff, gleaning tying methods and safe practice hints from pics and videos we find online. Under the laws the UK Government is suggesting, we would be criminals several times over. Just for enjoying something a little kinky - OK, maybe a lot kinky, but here's the rub - I'm not about to go and kill anyone in a badly judged sex game - and neither are 99.999999999% of the people in the strong, well established and very active BDSM community in britain. For people that have no inclination towards the practise of bondage and sadomasochistic sex, it's utterly incomprehensible how anyone can enjoy being restrained and hurt as a part of sex play - and that's fair enough, it's a difficult idea to get your head round, but outlawing the presence of this kind of pornography over the internet is plain wrong. Yes, by all means cutout the foul snuff sites and "real rape" and "genuine asphyxiation" sites and the like, but there's a lot of middle ground there - there are sites out there devoted to the intense erotic value of BDSM, such as one of my favourites - insex.com - which deals with quite heavy rope bondage and full on erotic torture. Now how do I know it's erotic torture? How do I know the girls are enjoying it? Because that site has provided me with videos of some of the most earthshattering, intense, mindblowing orgasms I've ever seen a woman experience. I'l be honest and say that I aspire to the level of skill that could give Charlie pleasure that I've seen those heavily bound and tortured girls reach. And yes, you can tell it's genuine. Oh boy, can you ever.

But there's another issue, apart from my bedroom perversions. I'm sick of the kneejerk reactionary nannying that's going on all over the place. Someone drops dead during asphyxiation sex and immediately we must remove all trace of anything that might have influenced it. A boy is abducted mere yards from school and killed - suddenly every school must phone the parents of absentees the very moment the kid doesn't turn up. The Maths syllabus doesn't quite suit a half dozen kids in the Outer Hebrides, so the entire curriculum has to be altered to accommodate them. Terrorists attack London, so the country goes on lockdown and the laws get tweaked daily to fit the crimes we want to believe others might commit.

There seems to be - no, there definitely is - a belief that you can reach a level where you can please, or at least appease every single one of the fifty million people in the country. This is coupled with a complete ignorance of the logical fact that this is an impossibility. The saying goes that you can't please all the people all the time. Don't say that too loud in Westminster, though, or the Pentagon.

Just like in the states, the concept of personal responsibility is being eroded. If something bad happens, then it must be society to blame and therefore that bad element of society has to be excised. Crap! Utter bullshit! We are all responsible for our own actions. At the end of the day, we are not so gullible and brainwashed by the media that we can be absolved of all responsibility for our actions. Turning the face of the country into a bland PC-friendly state won't stop the bad things happening, it'll just mean that we're less well equipped to cope with the bad things when they happen.

I've said it before and I'll say it again - Government needs to leave us alone to get on with it and stop believing it can put everything right when it's farmed all its real power out to local assemblies, autonomous councils and market forces. They've given away eevry right they had to interfere with how our businesses are run and they never had a right to interfere with our own personal lives. With their desire to get everything right, they're getting more and more things wrong.

And the worst thing is that they don't realise - and they won't stop.