I'm watching "this Morning" at the moment...

Yes, I know, but bear with me.

There's a story on now about a chap that's gone from 44 stone - Fourty Four Stone! - to 17 stone, which I think is what I am now.

It's a great story and good luck to him. He does it by walking five miles every couple of days. Now, just by our house is a canal with a towpath that leads right into the city centre, which just happens to be about five or six miles away.

The only problem is - and this is a weird thing - my gout stops me walking too far. It's weird because while I was away, I did things and ate things that should have crippled me, but they didn't. But you see, the day i got back, I walked the mile and a half to the local Sainsbury's and came back with a pain in my foot.

This crappy city's no good for my health. I've felt almost out of breath since I got back, my foot's been a constant niggle and I can't seem to drink enough.

Bloody city.