Lord Bargain's interview:

1. When will the world end?

After consulting the crystal ball of fortune, the tarot of success and the mystical bones of justice, I see that the world will end at 12:45pm on the 7th September 2005.

Oh.

Bloody new age partworks.

2. Who would win a fight between a lion and a tiger?

At two minutes to the hour, Jack Bauer comes haring across the serengetty in a tank masquerading as a common or garden SUV, leaps out and frantically holds a gun to the Lion's head.

"Where's the hyena's hideout? Where's the hyena's hideout? I will shoot you!"

BopBipBopBip...

3. Will 24 hour drinking leads to increased alcoholism and crime, or a more relaxed drinking culture?

Naturally, 24 hour drinking will lead to the end of western civilisation as we know it. City Centres will become no-go zones, drink related crime will increase exponentially until they have to turn the entire Isle of Wight into one vast Bettie Ford Clinic.

We will see rampaging mobs of career drunks roaming the streets, looting every supermarket and off-license for fresh supplies of thunderbird, 20/20 and tennants super.

Or maybe there'll be a month of chaos, then everyone settles down.

4. What’s your favourite and least favourite accents?

I love the Welsh accent. Mostly because I spent my youth listening to it on magical holidays and because Gareth Thomas - Blake of Blakes' 7 - is Welsh and was the first hero figure I remember having.

If there's an accent I can say I can't bear, it's maybe the German accent - and this is nothing to do with the War, Basil. There's a guttoral quality to it that just makes my spine itch.

5. Will the meek inherit the earth?

Who'd want it? Can we change the Will to include Mars?