Emergency settings activated!

No, seriously, for a couple of weeks I'm back to dialup because I've upgraded to faster broadband with a new ISP. Customer Services says they'll try for 2Mb, but I'd be happy with one.

One drawback is two weeks on Dialup. Fuckin' hell it's slow!

Another drawback is that the webspace that held the graphics for my old template - the one I was moaning about in my last post - is about to go titsup, so I've got to use a crappy Blogger template. Rest assured, I'll be putting it right just as soon as the new account's up and running.

Until then, ignore the "Work In Progress" signs, won't you?

This is what the blog is supposed to look like: MacOS-X-ish pinstripe white and grey. It's supposed to look very stylish and professional.

And in Linux, it does. Looks lovely.

In Internet Explorer it looks ragged around the edges where it's supposed to be transparent because the background is a PNG graphic and IE doesn't handle PNG transparency.

In Firefox on Windows it just looks like a plain white sheet. You can't see the grey pinstripes.

I only found out the other day when I installed firefox on my Windows partition, so hey presto, I've got to do something about it.

So, next time I'm in Windows, I'll fire up Paintshop Pro and find a nice wallpaper I can turn into a new background image.

Twice Nightly Whiteley 1943 - 2005

He was the same age as my Dad.

A bit of free association on a Sunday night courtesy of

1. Useless::Creatures
   
2. Radiant::Smile
   
3. W::MV
   
4. Unpaid::accountant
   
5. Geek::Butter
   
6. Unfaithful::Songs
   
7. Reboot::Wassat?
   
8. No!::Yes!
   
9. Squad::Police
   
10. Fetish::Boots
    

I thought I'd share a bit of spam with you. This turned up in one of the MSN groups I'm subscribed to:

Best online dating service for single LDS members !

There's a great site. I am impressed so deeply because I have met my love there.
Free to join the community, then you may have the same good luck .
Tens of thousands of lds singles all over the world are waiting for you right now!
What are you still waiting for?
Do not delay your happiness any longer! Go to find your own true love today!!

[Photo of smiling girl in poloneck jumper removed]

Hello, I joined this LDS community to find my lifetime companion. I am always here, waiting for you...
If you are interested, email me...

"Lifetime companion"? "Always here, waiting for you"? Woah, bunny boiler alert.

Now what on earth do we make of this:

Euan Blair, the prime minister's eldest son, is to work in Washington DC as an intern for Republican politicians.

The 21-year-old will spend three months working for the Committee on Rules in the House of Representatives - the lower chamber of the US Congress.

The move has surprised Democrats, who see the committee as highly partisan, says the Sunday Telegraph.

A Downing Street spokesman said the prime minister's son would also seek an internship with a Democrat politician.

Euan Blair is soon to graduate from Bristol University with an ancient history degree.

According to the committee's website, internships aim at giving students exposure to the political process.

"Duties our interns are responsible for include filing, assisting senior staff, sorting through mail, preparing for committee meetings and assembling folders," the website stated.

The Sunday Telegraph claimed Californian congressman David Dreier, chair of the committee, would be Euan's mentor.

Mr Dreier was a part of the team assembled by California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to help the state tackle its economic crisis in 2003.

The newspaper reported the move had prompted surprise among Democrat politicians, who see the UK's Labour Party as their natural ally.

An aide to congresswoman Louise Slaughter, the leading Democrat on the committee, described it as "one of the most partisan" in Congress.

Eric Burns told the newspaper: "It is extremely surprising that the son of a Labour prime minister would intern with the Republican majority staff on the committee."

Downing Street said British diplomats had been involved in the process.

Morality.

Odd thing, ain't it? Let's start off with a dictionary definition:

mor·al (môrl, mr-)
adj.

1. Of or concerned with the judgment of the goodness or badness of human action and character.
2. Teaching or exhibiting goodness or correctness of character and behavior.
3. Conforming to standards of what is right or just in behavior; virtuous.
4. Arising from conscience or the sense of right and wrong.
5. Having psychological rather than physical or tangible effects.
6. Based on strong likelihood or firm conviction, rather than on the actual evidence.

n.

1. The lesson or principle contained in or taught by a fable, a story, or an event.
2. A concisely expressed precept or general truth; a maxim.
3. morals Rules or habits of conduct, especially of sexual conduct, with reference to standards of right and wrong

We all have a moral code that we live by - each of us have a slightly different moral code. This is exactly how it should be. While one person can believe it's morally right to strap on an explosive vest, walk into a crowded shopping centre and blow themselves up, another person can believe their morals dictate them to drive into the centre of town, pour gasoline over themselves and set light to it and yet another person can comfortably decide to walk past innumerable women each day and make that conscious decision not to rape and murder them.

Morality is subjective. Very subjective. It has to be that way. No-one has the right to dictate a complete moral structure on us, because it's at that point that individual responsibility ends and pack mentality or even slavery ensues - not the kind of slavery which relies on physical restraints, but the psychological type practised by dictators and cult leaders.

Just lately there seems to be a worrying trend in America to lend moral weight to everything. New laws are being passed with morality clauses which put into common law the right to refuse medical treatment or retail service or physical defense if the person does not feel morally obligated to do so. Imagine if you will being operated on by a Jehova's Witness who decides he cannot morally allow you a blood transfusion despite the fact that you've just been shot and are currently haemorrhaging all over the sidewalk, or the pharmacist who refuses your raped and possibly pregnant eight year old daughter emergency contraception on the grounds that their staunch catholic morality considers birth control ungodly, or the soldier who refuses to protect his islamic comrades because he's jewish.

Morality has no place in Law: Law is not "Based on strong likelihood or firm conviction, rather than on the actual evidence.".

And there's more:

What is it between the US and the UN? Or the EU for that matter? Does US foreign policy really amount to nothing much more than "subjugate all other countries to our will"?

Let's look at the evidence:

Cato, a US antil-UN lobby group whose handbook sounds rather close to US policy.

The US has consistently argued against foreign plans to curb Global Warming. Lately they have been trying to convince everyone that the widely accepted scientific evidence that Greenhouse gas emissions cause global warming is wrong.

The problem is that since 9/11, George Bush's administration has convinced the majority of Americans that they hold not only the moral high ground on everything, but that the mere fact of not believing that they hold the moral high ground on everything is anti-American. Which means that when the state ignores the growing rumour that Saddam Hussein orchestrated the 9/11 attacks they can walk into the country and take over with massive internal support. As the largest, most powerful country in the world, they can easily afford to consider themselves above international law. Just like Al Capone did, or Adolf Hitler, the American Government has decided to follow its own off-kilter version of international law where you can build a false image of a country in the minds of your populace, then use that false image to justify a pre-emptive invasion. Who cares if it's illegal? Of course it's illegal, but if you're too big to be held to account, it makes no difference.

So what is Bush trying to hide by monging the evidence for climate change, and why is he doing such a bad job of it? Well, it's probably the first attempts to try a Stalinesque revision of history. Just a couple of months ago, it was common knowledge that market forces precluded Bush from ever agreeing to the Kyoto Protocol. Big Business runs America and there is no way on this Earth that they would ever tolerate any American Government setting vastly expensive cleanliness regulations on them.

I wondered how much the Government reflected the view of the people and how attitudes had changed over the years, so here's an article from 1998 entitled "What do people really think of the UN?" and then compare that to this article from April.

Quite a difference. Some of it explainable under the circumstances, some of it obviously evidence of Bush's unbelievable and scary spin.

The more I look at reports coming out of the States, the more it becomes glaringly obvious that Bush will use any method available to forward his vision - One Nation Under God? Oh no, we want one World under George.

And Britain? Well, we won't stand in his way, but I'm damned if I'll agree to it. In maybe twenty years time, we're going to see massive conflict between east and west. Just remember, we're all going to be on the wrong side. They're right, we're wrong and there's absolutely nothing we can do about it - short of emigrating to New Zealand or Switzerland or something.

Do try and enjoy the ride, won't you.

Cutthroat

Guess what I use this for.

Go on, guess.

OK, so we've all seen Mississippi Burning at least once, right? We all know the plot - three black "voters rights" workers are killed by the Klan, no-one seems to know who was under the white robes though...

I'm guessing a fair few of you know that it's based on a true event. I'd be willing to bet that even less of you know that just yesterday, the man who orchestrated the killings, now eighty years old, a Baptist preacher and wheelchair bound, was found guilty of manslaughter and sent down for twenty years.

Here, I present an article that was submitted to the open forums of the San Francisco Chronicle. They're not my words and I claim no tolerance for the attitude displayed by the author, Hans Allhoff, a student of Stanford Law School. I'm reproducing it in full because I don't want it to dissappear. If you want a more clear explanation with what's wrong with the US today, just read on:

It's the kind of news we love to hear: Forty-one years after three voter registration volunteers were killed in rural Mississippi, Edgar Ray Killen, an acknowledged Klu Klux Klansman, now stands trial for their murder. Again. (Killen was tried in 1967 and walked after his all-white jury deadlocked.) His alleged victims were James Chaney, Michael Schwerner and Andrew Goodman. Each was in his early 20s, and each was a passionate advocate for what he understood justice to demand.

Although Killen has pled not guilty, his prosecution may well do for civil-rights soldiers still living what apprehending Osama bin Laden would do for us, which is to bring some symbolic closure to a haunting memory. Yet I am surprised nobody wants to call Killen a murderer and then leave him alone: Our two most preferred justifications for punishing criminals -- incapacitation and deterrence -- don't cut it in his case. He is 80 years old and a preacher. By virtue of his station in life (an accident earlier this year left him wheelchair-bound), he is already incapacitated. He might still be a racist, but he is no real threat to social order. What's more, his crime, by virtue of our society's moral evolution, is one we don't really need to deter. Civil- rights work is a relatively safe business these days.

There's always a need to deter senseless killing, of course, but there was nothing senseless about what Killen is accused of. Whoever did it was a Klu Klux Klan member who, true to his heart, was fighting for his version of a better America. Just like his victims. Sad -- disgusting, even -- but true.

With incapacitation and deterrence ineligible, what's left? Not rehabilitation. Again, Killen is not far from death, and criminal convictions only rarely produce heartfelt conversions in people. How about vengeance, or retribution? They're terribly unpopular. One victim's mother, Carolyn Goodman, has specifically disavowed their import. "I'm not looking for revenge," she said. "I'm looking for justice."

Most opponents of harsh punishment and strict sentencing laws also believe vengeance and retribution to be subrational impulses, simply out of alignment with modern liberal and democratic values. George Ryan, who commuted all death sentences in Illinois when he was governor, continues to say they have no penal logic -- to much applause.

Yet if we're to ignore our moral impressions about what people who commit crimes deserve, irrespective of what we'll gain socially by punishing them, it's not clear how we can in good faith prosecute people like Killen. Carolyn Goodman is partially correct. We all want justice. But it's hard to see how our understanding of justice in Killen's case has nothing to do with wanting to see him suffer. We don't just want him to be held accountable for his crime; we want him to pay a price for it. We believe it would be morally proper for him to die in jail rather than his Mississippi home.

We may be a better, more civil people without vengeful sentiments in our hearts. Maybe they do coarsen us. Maybe they aren't good for our moral advancement as a people. Maybe it is wrong to treat people, even bad people, as objects of punishment.

Whether Killen should be prosecuted today for a crime of decades past can remain an open question. What cannot is our reason for believing he should. It is vengeance, and nothing else.

Pay especial attention to this phrase:

there was nothing senseless about what Killen is accused of. Whoever did it was a Klu Klux Klan member who, true to his heart, was fighting for his version of a better America.

Now, even though the author goes on to call such an attitude sad and disgusting, we all know that there are people both in the states and much closer to home who will say that it's a fair point. Hypocritically, they would probably be the loudest voices in the crowd baying for the blood of all Muslims as a result of 9/11.

Maybe this is an attempt at Devils' Advocacy, maybe it's all a badly thought out exercise in reasoning by some snotty Law undergrad student, but it's sparked a row, it's tapped the uneasy subconscious of Americans because it's reawakened the thought that maybe, just maybe America isn't all that Great and Free after all. And that scares the living fuck out of them.

How can an 80's, low budget TV show be better than the huge budget blockbuster movie?

Garth Jennings has managed to come up with the answer.

I've been a great fan of Hitch Hikers' for many years, ever since I saw the original TV series way back in '81 at the tender age of eight, I loved it - the anarchic energy, the quirky quasi-sci-fi, the cool animations, the wonderful story and the concept - a book that tells you everything you need to know about the galaxy, not in the usual staid, dusty way, but in that friendly fashion that all text books should be written in.

After that, and a small delay while I actually hunted down the books and grew old enough to appreciate them, I sucked down all four novels with a straw, immersing myself totally within a universe where you were cool if you knew where your towel was. I knew it all stemmed from a Radio show, but I never thought I'd get to hear it.

Then I heard that Douglas Adams was going to make a movie of it. Cool.

And I waited (this is pre-internet, so my only source of information was what got passed down through the general grapevine, and in Q magazine or 2000ad).

Then he dropped dead. It was a cruel blow for humanity when DNA's heart gave out. A true literary genius passed away and I mourned...quietly.

But the movie got made anyway. I waited with baited breath for every new development - who was writing it? What were his credentials? How much of DNA's vision would be in the movie and when would it be finished?

Unfortunately, gout, birthdays, phone bills and other unfortunate drains on the wallet meant that I missed it at the Cinema, so, vowing to buy the DVD, I downloaded it over the weekend. I had been determined not to download it, in a show of loyalty to one of my favourite stories and people, but it wasn't to be and I very reluctantly clicked on the bittorrent link.

So last night, we piped it through our DVD card and settled down to watch one of the funniest creations ever - or so I wished it had been.

What we actually watched was a mishmash of recognisable scenes intercut with some truly dreadful moments. I'll mention Humma Cavula and the Vogon homeworld as prime examples of the latter and The Book, Arthur and Slartibartfast for the former.

The movie suffers - was always going to suffer - on a number of points:

1) The writer oversaw, produced, directed, scripted and appeared in the '81 miniseries.

2) The actors who starred in the '81 miniseries (with the exception of Sandra Dickinson and David Dixon) were the people Douglas Adams wrote the characters for. Arthur Dent is Simon Jones, Mark Wing Davey is Zaphod Beeblebrox, Peter Jones is the voice of the Book. That's who Douglas Adams had in mind when he wrote the radio play and that's who came to the small screen to make the miniseries.

No-one will be able to top that crappy little miniseries in my book, because that and the radio series is the purest, least diluted form of DNA's actual live vision of the story.

Which is a shame because the crew of the movie really try hard but it just doesn't make it. The movie is a poor imitation of the wonderful universe through which DNA takes us with nothing but a book, a towel and a craving for tea.

I seriously wanted to like this film, seriously, but I just can't do it.

I'm not criticising any one thing - Mos Def is great aas the otherworldly Ford Prefect. I can cope with a black Ford. Considering how Ford Prefect arrived at his nom de voyage, casting a black actor could be construed as a subtle nod to the bad research - "any colour as long as it's black" y'see?

Sam Rockwell gets Zaphod completely wrong. Zaphod is actually a character with a lot of pathos - and intelligence. He operated on his own brain in order to sneak past rigorous checks and meet the man who actually runs the galaxy - and he achieves this goal in the novels. He's not a dickhead stoner who can be sobered up by using his head to make fruit juice.

And Arthur does get the girl, but it ain't Trillian.

All in all, I will probably watch the movie over and over, just like I read the books and watch the miniseries over and over, just like I'll listen to the radio series when I eventually invest in an MP3 jukebox, but despite that, I cannot escape the overwhelming sensation that too much is missing.

And there's more to come. Which might be good, might be bad. I am open to being impressed next time. Whatever happens, you can consider my table booked at Milliways.

Twelve grand for paintings done by a Chimp

Here I was moaning about the heat, when just about 150 miles away this was happening. That's a street in Thirsk, North Yorkshire.

A chap who lives in Thirsk is on the radio right now and has just said "It was totally freaky". No, he's not a hippy.

And George Bush is doing his best to scupper any advance in Global Warming legislation.

You know what I was saying about the Caribbean yesterday?

I'll be in the garden, watering the kids.

A quick roundup of weather around the globe right now:

Ayers Rock - 9 celcius
Greenland - 9 celcius
Central Park, New York - 21 celcius
Puerto Cortes, Honduras - 30 celcius
Tobago - 28 celcius

Fuck me it's hot.

Next!

This one could be controversial. To really get Gorillaz, you need to remember, to never forget that the band has a comic artist as a member. And not just any comic artist. Jamie Hewlett. I've always loved Hewlett. I first came across his work in 2000ad some seventeen years ago and from the Gorillaz videos and Tank Girl comics I've seen, his style hasn't changed, which is an excellent thing.

Hewlett is quirky, jagged, with an eye for life which is, well, let's say different.

And when a quirky comic artist forms a band with a quirky musician, it's pretty inevitable that Gorillaz will emerge.

Now one mistake that people will make with Gorillaz is to ignore the visuals. They'll even go to see them in concert! Could there be a bigger way of missing the point?

To listen to the album, you have to have some Hewlett Artwork in front of you, you have to at least visualise the band in a Hewlett-esque setting, or you're cutting out a member of the band. Imagine listening to Metallica without Lars Ulrich, or White Stripes without Meg.

Demon Days wins over the debut album in one important aspect. I can listen to it. I tried again and again to listen to the other one, but failed each time. It just doesn't work without the video presentation there. 19/2000 is a great music video, but a shit song. Clint Eastwood gets a little wearing on the radio, but I can watch it over and over.

In the same way, Feel Good Inc. is a great visual experience, but disappears into the noise of the album.

Thing is, this time, it's a good noise. Yes, more of the same, but this time - call it watered down, call it hackneyed, call it more commercial, but I call it, well, not better but more accessible.

My god, another keeper - but I might get the DVD instead.

Yes, It's Music Sunday chez Hedgewitch.

And what an excellent album for a tropical Sunday morning! KT Tunstall's Eye to the Telescope has even managed to make me chill out about the kids' gardenphobia, and that is an achievement!

There's the juicy rocky tunes like Black Horse, which I've always liked, and then there's the evocatively wonderful "Under the Weather", which just makes me want to be on a verandah, sipping home made lemonade and watching dust motes swirl in the early evening breeze. Quite a trick from a small scottish woman.

This is an album of the time I think, her vocals follow the jazzy, easy style in vogue at the moment - witness the rise and rise of Joss Stone, Katie Melua, Anastacia and other smoky voiced women.

As a result, there's again nothing on this album that should surprise. It's not a challenge to listen to this and any fan of Texas, Sheryl Crow, Alannah Myles will know exactly what to expect from KT Tunstall.

Barbecue music, verandah-with-lemonade music, music to blare over the neighbour's fence on the hottest day of the year. Another one to add to the genre. Another one to put on my shopping list.

Another result!

White Stripes

Piano? Marimba? Garage sound? Not what I was expecting at all. I thought White Stripes were all guitar, but never mind.

I was introduced to the existence of the group when they became the darlings of the Popbitch board some years ago, and looking the album up on Amazon, I was surprised to read that this is their fifth album.

Well, knowing they were beloved by the London Media Dahlinks kinda turned me against them. Irrational, I know, but if you consider that the recent Chris Morris series "Nathan Barley" pretty much captures the attitude of the Popbitch inhabitants, you'll see why anything they expound should probably be avoided.

But - wait for it - Get Behind Me Satan is actually rather good. Yes, I'm as surprised as you. I was ready to write "Bland" ten times in ten reviews, but it was not to be.

I've always been a fan of that raw sound - comes of being a live music freak I suppose - and this album's a foot stomping, chunky, fuzzy romp of an album that I liked from first to last.

I was going to write down the tracks I like, but that would be just like reproducing the back cover, with the notable exception of "White Moon" which is really a little bit shit. The Nurse, My Doorbell, Instinct Blues, Little Ghost and Take Take Take stand out as particular favourites. Yeah, you oculd rock out to this album. I like.

This one's on my shopping list. Result!

Next to get the Noatun treatment is Kaiser Chiefs - Employment.

I don't want to call this album bland. I mean, I quite liked a lot of the tracks. I'm surprised how many singles are on it. Seems the Chiefs have snuck their way into the collective subconsciuos, or maybe they've just got that knack of writing songs you think you've heard a million times before.

I was kind of transported back to 1993, the height of Britpop. This album would sit well with the likes of Menswear, Teenage Fanclub, Pulp's early stuff and dare I say it, even The Wildhearts.

It's kinda dated, kinda nondescript. I wonder who's buying Kaiser Chiefs? Is it perhaps people of my age, recognising a sound from their formative years?

All in all, I'm pretty neutral about Employment. People who listen to more music than me could probably tell you a dozen bands that the Kaiser Chiefs have been influenced by, but for me, the casual listener and critic it just seems that I've heard this stuff just a little too much before.

So is it a keeper? I dunno. If I remember it's there and need the space, I'll probably get rid, but for now I've got plenty of room, so it can stay. Pay for it, y'say? Well, someone who doesn't know me very well can buy it me for Christmas, can't they, or maybe I've found something to spend that WH Smiths voucher on.

See that? See that number down on the bottom left?

Twenty. Seven. Point. Five. Degrees. Celcius.

It's only two degrees warmer in the Carribean right now, and that's outdoors, not in someone's living room.

Waiter, Scotch on the rocks, hold the scotch!

I've had an idea for the start of a story!

Actually, that's quite a coup, because for ages I haven't had any inspiration to write anything apart from pithy letters to people in charge and blog posts.

It's like my creative gene went into recession for ten years, but now it's back. Now, I don't promise any groundbreaking revelatory Booker Prize winning novel, but maybe I'll churn out a nice little beginning, or maybe a synopsis for a decent short story - well, I'll think it's decent, anyway.

I've got a folder somewhere chock full of stuff I wrote when I was at school. I was prolific, banging out page after page of my oh-so ambitious novel. It stalled at around page 30 unfortunately, and the beginning and synopsis is now entombed in a plastic pocket.

I wrote a great short story once, well two, but this one was supposed to be a ghost story. It transmuted itself while I was writing it into a sweet little love story. Don't know how. There was another one, based on a Hemmingway short story of a nurse who fell in love with someone during the Spanish Civil War. It took up just one side of A4 and I was inspired to do something similar, so I set mine in a Jazz bar. I liked it, I think I caught something of Hemmingway in it, but then that's probably incredibly conceited.

So I'm off now to slowly cook - it's far too hot in here - and to scribble down my idea before it flitters away again.

If anyone's interested, U2's Twickenham gig is being broadcast this Saturday on Radio 2 from 9pm.

If you're doing something more interesting like getting pissed at the time, tough shit because they don't have the rights to broadcast it over the internet or keep it on their "listen again" service. You'll have to console yourselves with the excellently funny Punt & Dennis's "It's been a Bad Week".