Dear christ, I'm glad I'm going shopping right now:

BBC1 - Fucking snooker
BBC2 - "The nun's story" I mean, puh-leeze
ITV1 - "Midsomer Murders", or Bergerac in Buckinghamshire
C4 - Horse Racing
FIVE - Pee Wee fucking Herman's Big Adventure

If only I could rely on the freeview channels to be better. Looks like it's Radio 2 till Dr Who then.