Been doing a bit of retail therapy ahead of my birthday next Monday. Nothing amazing, just some clothes to go out in as everything I own is either not good enough to take to a club, or fifteen years old.

So I pop to my most favourite clothes shop ever, TW Ryder's army surplus store in Selly Oak, and trawl almost hopelessly through the racks of cammo trousers for one in my size. As luck would have it, the one pair they had in my size (44" - oh yes, 44 inches of pure Hedgewitch belly) happened to be in the style I really wanted - Arctic cammo - so they're mine baybeh!

Not everything went so well though, I then popped into Northfield and picked myself up three pairs of bermuda shorts, none of which fit, one of which, despite being supposedly the same size as the bloody cammo trousers actually come at least four inches short on that Hedgewitch belly.

So, in true optimist style, I have a challenge for the summer. The shorts look great, tribal pattern wings all over the arse and pockets over every available space (I'm a sucker for pockets*) so I'm determined to lose the four or six inches I need to get into the suckers.

*- A sucker to the extent that my favourite coat has six HUGE pockets, the gilet I wear almost constantly has ten pockets and most of my trousers have more than five. I have a greatcoat whose pockets are so vast that I lost a Psion pocket computer in one for twenty minutes. I've been known to go shopping in that coat and not need a shopping bag to bring the stuff home. Need somewhere for that two liter bottle of coke? I can get four in those suckers dude.