Someone else has got away with going 150mph. This one didn't use the "It's alright, your honour, I'm a Police Officer" line though. In good Shaggy stylee, this one simply said "Wuzz'n me".

Yes, I must remember to get myself a wig next time I go speeding - and get myself a sweet little alibi which includes children before it comes to court a year later, too.

In other court news, I wish the Jackson Jury would bloody well get a move on. I get the feeling they're milking it to see if he'll drop dead in the meantime. I saw a report yesterday which asked the question "would Michael Jackson's plastic surgery stand up to time in jail?" To which the reply was that surgery that extensive would probably need constant attention which he wouldn't recieve in a normal prison, but that of course, for him the rules would be "bent".

My money is on the Judge ordering to spend the rest of his life locked away in Neverland, living the reclusive lifestyle he's been living, except being only allowed adult visitors. That would be appropriate and ironic. His wonderful theme park home, the only place he feels safe, becomes his prison.

I'd love for the judge to have a moment of clarity and condemn all the cheap stalling and attention grabbing hypochondriac tactics he's been using. OK, to look at him, you could believe he's at death's door. I mean he looks less like a human being and more like a Henson creature shop puppet skeleton, but I really can't believe he needs a surgeon, in scrubs, in attendance at the courtroom. Yes, maybe a medic on hand, but in scrubs? "Look, look everyone! I'm such a sick man that I have to have a surgeon here! Look! He's got the proper outfit and everything! And just in case you missed that little sledgehammer of a hint, I'll get stretchered out to my Limo every night!"

So come on ladies and gentlemen of the Jury, time to stand up and deliver the verdict that will make you public enemy number one in the eyes of MJ's fan club. Time to destroy a megastar. I'd love to be a fly on the wall in that Jury room, wouldn't you? "You can't find him guilty, he's Michael Jackson!"